Shabbos Reminders

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Timely Vort

This vort catches my fancy. I do not guarantee that the people cited as saying them are the correct sources. I would love if someone could verify it for me.

A thought from the Chozeh of Lublin:

The parshiyos of Bo, Beshalach, Yisro, Mishpatim, Terumah, Tetzave and Ki Sisa, all contain within them different Yomim Tovim. If you make the effort, you can experience the aura and inspiration of that particular yom tov during these coming weeks.

Parsha Bo has the story of the Exodus from Egypt which corresponds to Pesach. 

Parshas Beshalach has the Splitting of the Sea which happened on Shvii shel Pesach (the 7th of Pesach).

Parshas Yisro, has the Ten Commandments, corresponding to Shavuos.

Parshas Mishpatim, which has numerous laws, dinim, corresponds to the Yom HaDin and Yimei HaDin, Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur   

Parshas Terumah has instructions for the building of the Mishkan and with it came the cloud that hovered above it, which corresponds to Succos.

Parshas Tetzave has the lighting of the menorah which corresponds to Chanukah. 

Parshas Ki Sisa which has the mitzva of giving the machatzis ha'shekel corresponds to the month of Adar when the half shekels began to be collected.

Another version or point to the vort, cited in the name of the Spinka Rebbe, is that the weeks of these parshiyos with yetzias Mitzrayim, kerias Yam Suf, and Mattan Torah, are more spiritually potent than the actual yomim tovim of Pesach, Shevii shel Pesach, and Shavuos! 

This is because the parshiyos contain the the koach (power, spiritual strength) of Torah while the yomim tovim are the koach of zeman (the time of year that they fall).

Mentch Before Ruchnius?

I have read the idea "emotional health comes before spiritual growth" several times and have wondered about it.  Sometimes it's couched as "first he needs to become a mentch, then we can work on his ruchnius." It is in the context of those off the derech or those having personal problems.

I can see that if someone is an emotional mess, they are in no position to listen to a shiur.  But they could very well be encouraged to do a mitzvah!

In the book Incredible, the story is told of Yossi Gevili, an inmate in an Israeli prison who showed up at an Arachim seminar.  He was on furlough, only his second one in seven years because after he was allowed out the first time and got into a fight, they were hesitant about letting him out again.  This time, he figured the safest place for him was at an Arachim seminar.

Yossi Gevili had been one of the worst prisoners at the prison.  He did not get along with anyone, he argued constantly, was mean, and broke all the rules.  When he returned to the prison after the seminar, he was a different person, polite, and he started using a siddur.  Four days at the Arachim seminar made him into a baal teshuva and model citizen.

Arachim personnel found him a job when he was released and gave him the support he needed to stay on track. He married and settled down and gave his mother nachas.

So here was a man who was difficult inmate in a prison who did not first undergo therapy or any sort of program to address his emotional state of being, his obnoxious behavior, and his anger.  He was exposed to Torah lectures and this changed his life.

Amaratzus

On Shabbos, I was talking about the kal v'chomer that Rashi notes appears in this parsha, saying it is one of ten that appear in Torah (Tanach).  I commented, I wonder why Rashi first comments about this here, the second time a kal v'chomer appears, when the first one is in parshas Mikeitz.

Then I looked up the first one in Mikeitz and saw that Rashi actually does comment there, the first time a kal v'chomer appears.  That led me to thinking how absurd and embarrassing it is that after decades of reading Rashi, I still don't know the basics, i.e. what Rashi said.  That is amaratzus (being an am ha'aretz, ignoramus).  L'havdil, a medical student has to know far more information than what is contained in Rashi on Chumash, and he studies it and knows it because it's important to get good grades.  What I (we?) do is passively read it without committing it to memory (beyond what we had to study for school decades ago).  So yes, I know many Rashis, but it still surprises me what I don't know.

Shabbos and Rosh Chodesh

Many are unaware that it's a halacha brought in Kitzur Shulchan Aruch that it is a mitzva "l'harbos b'seuda" - to have something additional to eat on Rosh Chodesh, and if it falls out on Shabbos, to make one extra "tavshil" - cooked dish, more than you have on other Shabbosos.

This is a mitzva I like :) I have made it a point now for years to have an extra treat on Rosh Chodesh.

For those who want to make a good hachlata/kabbala in life, this is an enjoyable one.

Saving a World

continued from previous post

A woman said that many years ago, her sister went to an Israeli abortion clinic to dissuade women from aborting their babies.  She met a woman who was there for a scheduled abortion.  Her sister said don't do it; give the baby to me! The woman instinctively said, it's my baby! Then she realized the irony in what she said, considering what she was about to do, and said her husband lost his job, and they were in the middle of renovations which they could not continue and were exposed to the elements. She felt desperate.

Her sister pledged to raise money for the woman and did so and the woman gave birth to a boy.  They kept in touch and the sister went to the child's bar mitzva and wedding.

"Whoever sustains one Jewish life is like one who sustains an entire world."

Save Jewish Lives

I received a few emails promoting Efrat's fundraising campaign in which donations received were tripled in value.  I think they run a campaign every year around parshas Shemos, the parsha where Pharaoh decrees that baby boys should be killed.

I have written about my outrage over the lack of protest about Jews killing Jews daily in Israel here . We are horrified and upset, rightly so, when Israelis are murdered by terrorists, but I fail to understand why Jews killing Jews through abortions is not as horrifying or upsetting to people. Maybe if pictures of babies were posted every day with reminders that they're being killed, and their deaths are paid for by the Israeli government, something would happen.

In the meantime, Efrat and Just One Life do what they can to prevent abortions.  Here is what the founder of Efrat, Dr. Eli Schussheim, writes:

In 1977 when new laws about abortions came out and I found out that 60 thousand  abortions are done yearly in Israel, I was totally shocked.  I thought what I can do to stop this terrible plague but I had no means with which to proceed.

I felt it my obligation to act and not stand by the side. And so I stepped ahead and started to work on the matter by notifying people of the terrible situation. 

In this way, we reached where we are today saving  more than 68,600 terminations.

The amount of abortions shrank to  a third of the amount it was then.

It is not only with contributions that we can try to minimize abortions in Israel.  The main problem is that most of the Jewish population is unaware that 100 babies are lost daily due to abortions.

Having a Life

Overheard from two women who each have two children around the same ages.

Lady 1: I am older already, in my thirties, and I got married later.

Lady 2: I got married at 19. Right after high school.  I'm 24.

Lady 1: So you haven't had a life.

Lady 2: Basically ...

***
Lady 1 meant that Lady 2 went directly from her obligations at school to her obligations as a wife and mother, without having years to "do her own thing," which usually includes studying a profession, work, some travel.

I understand that, but it still sounded awful.  Maybe I should have piped up and asked, "Why do you think being a wife and mother isn't a life?" and seen where that went.  She may have said, I did not have any time for myself.  I might have responded, why then did you choose to meet someone and get married when you did? I don't know what she would have said.  I might have had the opportunity to say, if you want to study a field, you still can.  If you want to work, that is still possible (and I think she was working in the store I was in). So what do you think you missed out on that you cannot do now? She might say, a sense of freedom, being able to come and go and explore my interests. I might then say, there are hundreds, thousands of frum single girls who do just that.  Many get married along the way. Too many do not.  What do you think is more important than raising Yiddishe children?

Watch What You Pray For

In a shiur given by Rabbi Reisman he said a person he corresponded with told him that he wanted more time to spend with his family.  He became sick and spent more time with his family.  Lesson: watch what you pray for.  This is why we ask that our requests be answered l'tova.

I just read two other examples of this in an article about Yitzi Hurwitz in Mishpacha.  He is immobilized by ALS and his wife was interviewed and said, when they were dating, she had spoken about wanting to live in America as opposed to somewhere where they'd have to send the kids to school in another country.  They ended up in California but she still had to drive a thousand miles a week to take her kids to and from school.  The lesson, she said, "You really need to be specific when you ask G-d for things."

Even scarier is when she says, "The two things in my life that I wished for were not to have to worry so much about money, and that I'd have more time to spend with Yitzi because he was never home, he was working so hard.  And now, I have a lot more time to spend with Yitzi, and thanks to a lot of good people, I worry very little about money.  It's not exactly how I thought it would be ..."

Don't Mess with Blessings

True story as heard from the person it happened to:

Mesila here, the Baltimore based organization that coaches struggling families with the financial skills and encouragement to get them out of crisis, poverty and dependence, was available for consultation in a certain neighborhood.  This person went to speak to them.

He showed the rep his papers with information about his and his wife's income and their expenses and at a certain point the Mesila rep said: Stop right there.  "Blessing is found in that which is concealed from the eye," says the Gemara.  I do not understand how you are not in debt.  According to what you showed me thus far, it makes no sense.  So let us not delve any further.

***
I'm impressed! Here's an organization that is all about budgeting, making rational decisions, and not relying on miracles.  But when encountering someone whose financial situation does not make rational sense, i.e. considering his income and expenses it makes no sense that he is not in debt, the Mesila person was willing to bow out.  Sometimes, you need to leave things alone.

a previous post about Mesila here

Housekeeper Needed

A grateful husband wrote to Family First thanking them for his wife's recovery.  He says they have four children, the last three born one after another.  After the last one, his wife could not get back to herself for a long time and constantly had a feeling of drowning, everything was too much for her.  She spent a lot of time crying and it was hard for everyone.      (sorry, I can't fix the size of this paragraph)

Then his wife read the magazine's article on postpartum depression and found that it described her feelings and symptoms.  The article described Nitza, an organization that helps women with PPD and it was wonderful for her.  "Now, as my wife has finished her medication and is, baruch Hashem, completely back to herself," he wanted to thank the publication.

With four children, and three born one after another, it's no wonder that she felt that it was too much for her.  The husband doesn't tell us whether she was working too. 

My question is, what if she had full-time help, would she feel like she was drowning? What if she had part-time help? Whether the help was to clean and do laundry and food preparation, and/or help with the babies, would she then need medication? I think it's highly unlikely.  Why is there a psychiatric diagnosis and medical treatment for women who need physical help?

see previous post here and here

Another thought, more controversial -

When we're feeling down, we often look to the future and dread what may happen.  The woman who had three children, one after another, could very well have thought - and what if I have another child again soon? If I'm not managing now, yet another child will put me over the edge!

Perhaps this is why getting a medical diagnosis was helpful to her.  It enabled her to tell a rav that she is on medication and cannot have another child again soon.  Do women have to be desperate, spend a lot of time crying, and end up at a psychiatrist, in order to prove their inability to have another child?

I'm not saying that she was playacting or that her behavior was premeditated.  I think her feeling overwhelmed was normal and justified. But that third child's birth wasn't a surprise.  It took nine months for it to be born.  Was she thinking she'll just go back to work after three months (maternity leave in Israel) and life would go on as before with the addition of a newborn? Was she looking around her and seeing other women with even more children who work and thinking she should be able to manage just like them? The only way for her to "prove" that she is different than "everybody else," was to become "sick," get a diagnosis and medication. 

There has to be a better way.

Another Book Come to life!

What an interesting week this has been!

Two posts and three days ago, I wrote about meeting Yossi Wallis, the subject of the book I had just finished reading.

Yesterday, I met Ruth Lichtenstein, who is the heroine of the book I wrote about last month here.  Her husband was there too and I sat there and thought, wow, here are the people out of the book I read! I would have loved to have been able to tell her how special her daughter made her out to be, but did not think she would appreciate a mention of that book.  Especially when her identity is disguised in the book.  So I kept quiet.

You are Invited to the Internet

There is a full page ad from the Agudah, thanking the 2000 attendees of their convention and over 100,000 viewers.  The ad says, "Experience the Agudah Convention - videos, audios, pictures at www.agudahconvention.org."

I recently heard a lecture, online, by R' Frand, rosh yeshiva of Ner Israel in Baltimore, whose topic was the constant connection to our phones/Internet, in which he said he has a Smartphone. This is the very device that would supposedly prohibit him from entering R' Chaim Kanievsky's home and would pasul him (make him ineligible) from giving eidus (testimony) according to R' Shteinman and R' Wosner.  And yet, with this ad from the Agudah, we are thanked for watching sessions of the Convention online and are encouraged to go to their website! Sounds like very different "daas Torah" views ...

 

Postscript

The eeriness continues.

 

I went to be menachem avel by the children of R' Pinchus Gross.  No sooner did I tell them what I wrote in my previous post, how I had been reading about their father in the book about Yossi Wallis and Arachim, and a few hours later, heard about his passing, then ... Yossi Wallis walked into the room, to be menachem avel! There was the subject of the book I had been reading over the past two weeks, in real life!

 

Here are some interesting points that I heard at the shiva house that relate to us all:

 

Wallis said that R' Pinchus always wanted to hear details about the people who attended the Arachim seminars.  To him, it wasn't about numbers, but about the individuals.  Some organizations have to prove themselves with numbers.  Their donors want to know how many people attended their events.  They want to know that their monetary support is worthwhile.  R' Pinchus wanted to know how people were affected by the seminars - who committed to shemiras Shabbos, kashrus etc. Wallis said this attitude has affected his staff.

 

From the book I gathered that R' Pinchus and Chaim Gross were wealthy people.  After all, they donated a million dollars a year to Arachim! I was surprised to hear that R' Pinchus went around to bungalow colonies, yeshivas and shul and made appeals for Arachim.  Someone said that in the Shomrei Shabbos shul, he made an appeal in minyan after minyan in this "minyan factory," and it was a different speech each time!

 

So in addition to their own money that they gave to Arachim, R' Pinchus fundraised for this cause that he believed in.  This was not a new interest to him since back in Europe he had started Beis Yaakov schools and worked to convince people to send their daughters there.

 

One last incident - R' Pinchus was in the mountains, staying with his daughter.  She noticed that his bekeshe in the closet needed to be cleaned so she brought it to the cleaners.  The next day, he asked where his bekeshe was and she told him - the cleaners.  Oy, he had put money that he had collected for Arachim into a pocket of the bekeshe.  The money was not retrieved and although he had no halachic obligation to replace it, he calculated the amount, about $900 and replaced it.

Incredible!

 

I just finished reading Incredible! by Nachman Seltzer.  Despite the ridiculous title (will his next book be called Wow! or Extraordinary!), it truly is an incredible story about Yossi Wallis, the CEO of Arachim.

 

I knew quite a few of the major stories of the book because they had been written up previously, about what sparked Wallis' return to Judaism, about his grandfather dying al Kiddush Hashem at the end of the war, about his father being moser nefesh for tefillin in Auschwitz, about his early Spanish roots, about the Nazi-Jew who saved his father and even the parrot story (previously printed in Einei Hashem). 

 

I had an odd hashgacha pratis happen yesterday.  Toward the end I read about his biggest donors, Pinchus and Chaim Gross.  I recognized the names as close relatives of a relative of mine.  Then last night, I was informed of the passing of Pinchus Gross, at the age of 104. That was eerie, hearing about his passing when I had just been talking about him a few hours earlier, a rare occurrence.