Who Needs the Light?

Someone was saying how naturally, she liked being around positive, happy people.  But there were negative people in her life whom she did not want to spend time with.  Was that wrong of her?

The lecturer replied: We are here to give forth light.

Those who are positive and happy don't need your light.  The negative ones do.

As simple as that.

"Who will Live and Who will Die"

As I perused the headlines one day last week, I saw the following news items:

Woman killed by bee stings.

Man killed by bear.

Woman died after being hit by a cyclist.

Bee, Bear, Bike.  Bizarre deaths.

All decreed a year ago on Rosh Hashana.

I've read and heard the following suggestion.  Make a list of all the positive and negative things that happened last year that had an impact on you.  It should include personal events in your life as well as national and global events.  Then ponder the idea that all these events were decreed a year ago on Rosh Hashana. 

Now, during the Aseres Yimei Teshuva, we have a unique opportunity to affect the course of history for the coming year.  Carpe diem.

The Power of Expectations

Sara Rigler wrote an intriguing article in the May issue of Ami magazine.  She said that Rebbetzin Kramer, the subject of a book that she wrote, see here, would call newly religious women who visited her "tzadekes."  At first, she thought her naïve but as she got to know her, she saw that Reb. Kramer could not be fooled.

She concluded that the rebbetzin's motivation was to convince people that they could actually become a tzadekes.  She saw it in them. 

Sara Rigler goes on to relate a story about how she realized her 15 year old son was in the wrong yeshiva when his rebbi did not see him in a good light.  If his rebbi did not view him favorably, he could not guide her son to becoming great.  She concludes, "The lesson the rebbetzin taught me [is] that the people in your life become the vision you hold of them ..."

She then tells two marriage stories.  She met two women who had married serious learning boys and had been kollel wives until their husbands announced they were no longer believers.

One wife divorced.  Ten years later, her anti-religious husband is a terrible influence on their children.

The other wife considered divorce but then read something that convinced her that it wasn't a good idea.  She decided that she would make it the best marriage she could and that this entailed respecting her husband.  This wife believed in her husband, thanked him for what he did, complimented him in front of the children for how he cared for his father and ignored what he did wrong.  Ten years later, he did not return to what he once was but he was going to shul daily and learning Torah every day.  Remarkable woman!

Don't, It's Forbidden versus Do, It's Good for You

Someone proposed that instead of the signs in shul that say, "Assur l'daber ..." - it's forbidden to speak during the davening, the chazoras ha'shatz, kerias ha'Torah, the signs should say something like, "Praiseworthy is the one who refrains from talking ..."

Then today, someone shared a thought - all the restrictions of Shabbos, you can't do this and you can't do that, are that which enable you to experience the beauty of Shabbos.

I'm all in favor of beauty and being positive but I am wary when people propose emphasizing the positive exclusively.  If you don't state clearly that something is forbidden and you only say what wonderful things will occcur if you do things right, I think we will be getting only half the picture and half a picture is a distortion of the truth. 

It is claimed that today's generation can't be told things in negative terms, they reject that, they need to be explained why and see the beauty.  I'm not so sure.  But then again, maybe I'm not today's generation! If I am told that something is outright forbidden, I know where I stand.  It's clearly off-limits.  If I'm told about the brachos I'll get if I do the right thing, well, I want brachos, but it's just not as compelling to me as being told: danger! stay away! If I'm told I'll be praiseworthy if I do this, I may not be interested, so I won't be praiseworthy ... not a big deal.

 Would we write on a bottle of bleach or other dangerous product: If you ingest products other than this, such as actual food, you will be so much better off! Or do we write: Danger! Poison! If accidentally ingested, call Poison Control.

I understand that different times and different cultures require different approaches but certain things need to stay the same because they are Torah and Torah is Truth for all time.  I note that there are 248 Positive Mitzvos and 365 Prohibitions.  Oh my! So many more negative mitzvos than positive ones! Why is that so? I don't know.  Yet it tells me that G-d sees fit to couch most of His mitzvos in the form of "don't" rather than "do" (though some mitzvos are written in both the positive and the negative). 

What is the bigger motivator for you to keep halacha - knowing how it's good for you or knowing the negative consequences if you don't keep it?

Being Informed

How much "news" must we know?

The two extremes are: 1) keeping up with all the news on a daily basis, news in the Jewish world and news in the world at large, via print material, radio, and/or online news sites  2) no reading or listening, remaining oblivious to what's going on unless personally told by someone.

I've tried to do what I thought was "middle of the road," follow the news on a regular but not obssessive basis, scanning the headlines on Jewish news sites and clicking to read further on particular items of interest.  However, over the past many weeks I have taken a break from most of it because I was becoming increasingly perturbed by the onslaught of negativity.  In Jewish news there were the sad news items (child falls from porch), the scandalous news items (yet another frum person arrested or caught doing something wrong), the what's-wrong-with-us news items detailing how frum society is on the brink of disaster for a myriad of reasons.  In general news there were plenty of downbeat items.

What is it costing us when we allow ourselves to be exposed to daily negativity? I think it's robbing us of our simchas ha'chaim - joie de vivre.  Considering that our frum publications have been informing us of the problem of depression in our midst, perhaps one step to take to increase our positivity and bitachon is to avoid voluntarily reading an excess of negative material. 

Even better, how about letting publishers of magazines and news sites know that we want to read upbeat, inspirational news items? There are plenty of wonderful things happening all around us.  Instead of yet another article telling us about formerly frum kids and their deterioration, how about an article about frum kids and their accomplishments in learning, derech eretz, and chesed? Instead of hearing about the tragedy of marriages breaking up or not happening in the first place, how about articles about people happily married for decades? As for chesed and wonderful initiatives on the part of groups and individuals, there is endless material!

Yidden zennen gut! Let's hear about it!