Male Teachers in Girls' Schools

Beis Yaakov, from its inception, had female and male staff members.  Over the years it has always had male teachers in addition to the female staff.  Various high schools and seminaries have become associated with their male principals such as R' Mordechai Miller a"h of Gateshead, R' Binyamin Steinberg a"h of BY of Baltimore, Rabbis Teichman and Greenberg of BYA, Rabbi Aisenstark of BY in Montreal, etc.

With two recent seminary (in Israel) scandals that I know of, I've been wondering about this policy of male staff members having such a great involvement with female students.  Chassidishe girls' schools do not have male teachers.  They may have a male guest lecturer for a special occasion; otherwise, men are not interacting with the girls on a regular basis in the classroom, learning their names, marking their papers, answering their questions, etc.

Why are male teachers and principals deemed necessary in BY types of schools while Chassidishe girls' schools do not hire them? Are the Chassidishe girls losing out by not having male teachers and hashpa'ah? If not, why do BY schools have them, and if they are, is there a way to have male teachers while ensuring the utmost decorum and distance?

I'd like to hear what R' Wallerstein, founder of Ohr Naava and related girls' institutions, has to say about this!

Who Am I? part 2

continued from previous post

The article continues with the story of a girl from a wealthy neighborhood going to seminary in Eretz Yisrael and being amazed by the simplicity and purity of the kollel families there.  Over her year in Israel she heard about the idea of a woman supporting her husband as he learned.  She decided that this is what she wants.  She knew she couldn't manage for more than five years, but she was excited about this prospect.

Then she returned home and went back to life as she always knew it.  She thought about all the things she would be unable to have if she lived a kollel life.  She wanted a Torah home but wondered how she could support a family.

She consulted with rabbis, kollel wives, teachers, etc. and received a variety of comments, some of which supported her lofty goal and some of which knocked it.

"I didn't know what to think.  Was I just on a seminary high? How could it be that I was so sure about something a short while ago, yet now I was so tormented? Which was the real me? Am I the girl who really needs all these luxuries, all this money, all this stability and practicality .. making my seminary decision just a hasty, foolish, idealistic thought? Or am I really the seminary girl who 'saw the light,' and felts as if kollel was the right lifestyle to live, and I am just hesitating now because I'm back home?"

She concluded that a kollel lifestyle was not for her and turned down shidduchim suggestions with wanna-be longtime learners.  She wanted her husband to learn during their first year of marriage and take it from there.

Who Am I?

continued from previous post

I read an article by Malka Weisman about a girl with well-educated parents who herself was an ambitious student.  She had her sights set on an Ivy League college.  She worked hard and scored high on the SAT's in order to have a chance at winning an academic scholarship to a very expensive school.  She won the scholarship but her parents were still faced with hundreds of thousands of dollars to pay which they couldn't afford.  She took the SAT's again to get an even higher score and did all she could to achieve her goal.  In the meantime, she prepared to go to seminary in Israel.

She went to Israel and loved it and her classes.  But when she heard ideas that contradicted her secular educational goals, she chafed.  As time went on, she began to wonder whether her plan of attending a secular university was a good one for a bas Yisrael.

During Pesach vacation she received the exciting news that she had been awarded a full scholarship, but at that point, she wasn't that sure she wanted to attend it any more.  It was a wrenching decision, made after much agonizing, but she gave up the scholarship and decided to go to a program attended by frum girls.

Then she went back to the US and began to feel regrets over her decision.  People told her she had been brainwashed but she said nobody forced her to make this sacrifice.  She made it because she believed it was the right thing to do. 

"And I wonder, throughout all this, if I was really me when I made that decision.  'Me' is the academic girl who values education, who doesn't settle for anything less than the best.  'Me' is the girl who was accepted into the university of her dreams.  Who was the strange entity who 'changed her mind? If that was me, then who am I? Am I the person who was so excited to get accepted to my dream school, or the inspired seminary girl focused on the one, true, straight, Torah path in life? This is my identity crisis. Which person am I?"

The Seminary High

A woman whose daughter went to seminary in Israel for a year, said she wants her daughter to have six months back home before dating so she can see who she really is and not date from a "seminary high." 

That got me thinking.  Why does this mother think that the "real" person is the one who comes down from her inspiration? Maybe the inspired person is the real person? How are we defining real?

An analogy, you go to an event or shiur and are inspired by the speaker.  Is that real or not? You know how when are you excited by what you heard, you want to tell people about it? Would it be a good idea to wait a week or a month before telling anyone so the inspiration will wear off and the real you will be back? I don't think so ...

But I do understand where that mother is coming from.  It's one thing to sit in a classroom, having all expenses paid for, usually by one's parents, and being inspired to marry a ben Torah and enable him to learn for years to come.  Actually being married and living that life is another thing.  So the mother figures that six months down the road, reality will set in.  If the girl still feels strongly about her religious undertakings and ambitions, she will say so and date accordingly (though even then, it's not like actually being married).  But to date while on a high can be a dangerous proposition because you can end up married based on idealistic commitments that are not as desirable as time goes on.

R' Avigdor Miller z'l felt otherwise.  He said a girl should go from graduation to the chuppa for precisely that reason.  She is idealistic and should marry in that state and it will uplift her future life.

Topsy-Turvy World

I've been noticing an ad in a frum publication for a seminary with a line which says:

"Parnossah Program prepares our talmidos to share in the responsibility of building a Bayis Neeman.  Areas of study include Graphic Design, Interior Design, Shaitel Machering, and Culinary Arts."

I find this disturbing because at the wedding, the husband hands the wife the kesuba in which he commits to supporting her. It is his responsibility to pay the bills, not hers. She is under no obligation to "share" that responsibility and I sure hope that the seminary doesn't tell the students that it is! A Parnossah Program is not a term that belongs in a girls' seminary program or ad. Let's stop turning our girls into boys, our wives and mothers into men.

Furthermore, since when does building a Bayis Neeman consist of working at graphic design, sheitl machering etc.? In the good old days, when people said, "Mazal Tov! May you be zocha to build a bayis neeman b'Yisrael," they weren't euphemistically saying,"We hope you get a good job with good pay!"

Why not say it straight: We provide courses such as Graphic Design etc.? I don't appreciate the disguising of the message which is actually, "Want to work? We provide courses."

I think it is up to our girls' mechanchim and mechanchos to convey the message that a girl's ambition should be to be a Yiddishe Mama, devoted to her home, her children, to creating a Yiddishe atmosphere.