The Contrast

It seems to me that although there were always fragile people, still and all, people who are older than 65, especially those who were born in Europe (perhaps North Africa as well), handle losses with far greater resilience than younger people.  When you read about the Holocaust and think about how people who witnessed the worst and lost everything or close to it, went on to establish families and in many if not most cases they raised normal children, as well adjusted as anybody else, it's nothing but remarkable. 

In contrast, today's young people don't seem able to cope with adversities far less traumatic than seeing one's family betrayed, wasting away and murdered.  We are inundated with articles in the frum press about people amongst us who are suffering from a multitude of problems and who are not coping with them.  The numbers of frum people on medication to help mitigate anxieties and other such ills is staggering, so it is said.  And anxieties (aka lack of bitachon) are of our own making (I am as guilty as the next one).

As I observed an elderly person the other day, who recently loss her spouse, I thought about this and what I came up with is that the seniors amongst us did not grow up with a feeling of entitlement.  Their parents worked hard and they expected to work hard.  Life wasn't easy and that was life.  Young people in Europe did not negotiate allowances, they didn't expect to be entertained by their parents on Chol Ha'Moed or any other time.  Fun wasn't their supreme value.  They were children and their parents were parents, not their pals.  Americans  too, used to know their place when they were children.  They helped work in the family business and sometimes pitched in to support their families.

It's hard though, to recreate the mentality of yesteryear when our lives, in so many ways, are simply not the same.  Mental health professionals, including religious ones in our communities, are doing their best to inculcate us with the belief that we are suffering from one "disorder" or "syndrome" or another if not outright "illness," and frum publications vie to "undo the stigma". 

I look forward to the swing of the pendulum when we will leave the psychobabble behind and focus on core values once again.

We are all "disordered" in one way or another

 

Eating disorders are “a coping mechanism when life feels out of control, overwhelming, disappointing or painful,” says Catherine Steiner-Adair, director of Eating Disorders Education and Prevention at McLean Hospital.

Yet, in 2006, the National Institute of Mental Health confirmed that anorexia and bulimia are biological, brain-based disorders.

Seems to me that to say that eating disorders are a way of coping with distress is vastly different than saying they are illnesses that are biological and brain-based!  

More and more behaviors are being labeled as illnesses or disorders.  ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) used to be referred to as bad behavior or being a brat.  Now it's a "disorder" which is "evaluated" and "diagnosed".  The cause is "unknown".  G-d forbid that parents would be considered the cause of their child's obnoxious behavior.  That would be judgmental which is a cardinal sin.

If we categorize behaviors according to what makes people feel good and opt for a medical diagnosis rather than finding out what is really bothering the child or young adult, I am afraid that the treatment will be unhelpful.