tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8363790884050657092024-03-13T10:35:34.090-04:00My PerspectiveMy perspective on Jewish life, chinuch/parenting, psychology, social issues, health ...Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.comBlogger793125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-74815608486351827232017-06-10T22:16:00.002-04:002017-06-10T22:16:38.934-04:00Purity is not FocusI started reading the book based on Rabbi Noach Weinberg's famous 48 Ways classes and stopped when I got annoyed with the "purity" chapter.<br />
<br />
Rabbi Weinberg developed a curriculum on the mishna in Pirkei Avos which lists the 48 ways needed to acquire Torah. But, as I agree with Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky, the <i>mishna</i> refers exclusively to acquiring Torah, while R' Weinberg uses it as way to wisdom and success in life in general. So his class on<i> tahara</i> is used to discuss focus,which is definitely not what tahara is about! He lost me there ...Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-79591493636776084112017-06-09T10:02:00.000-04:002017-06-09T10:02:23.854-04:00What Sort of Virtues?Slovie Wolff wonders whether parents these days are producing kids with "resume virtues" instead of giving them "eulogy virtues."<br />
<br />
By that she means, many parents seek to provide their children with numerous extra-curricular activities (music, sports, art, martial arts) to broaden their experiences, develop their talents, and ultimately, look good good on their college resumes. But none of those activities are important, in and of themselves.<br />
<br />
Rather, parents should be cultivating children who are idealistic, who want to make a positive difference in the world, who see a need and rise to the occasion and fill it.<br />
<br />
She was addressing a general Jewish readership on Aish.com. The same applies to those who are religiously observant. Resume virtues for shidduchim include which great schools the boy/girl attended, which camps, and for girls - if they were the heads of anything in school or had prestigious jobs in camp.<br />
<br />
Eulogy virtues would include middos tovos, erlichkeit, ahavas Yisrael.<br />
<br />
I sometimes read tributes-obituaries in the Jewish paper and am amazed by the wonderful people we had among us, with eulogy virtues that include things like devotion to family, devotion to G-d, and kindness for fellow Jews.<br />
Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-23264068429716898662017-05-30T18:19:00.000-04:002017-05-30T18:19:50.943-04:00About Henny Machlis a"h<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.thelakewoodscoop.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Emunah-Love-Chicken-Soup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.thelakewoodscoop.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Emunah-Love-Chicken-Soup.jpg" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="549" height="320" width="219" /></a></div>
I haven't even gotten halfway through the book and I'm writing a review. I've written about Henny Machlis before, <a href="http://bikores.blogspot.com/2015/10/a-tzadekes-in-our-time.html">here</a> because the author of the book, Sara Yoheved Rigler, wrote articles about her on Aish.com years ago.<br />
<br />
Rigler is an excellent writer and the subject of this book is a Brooklyn girl who went to Central and grew up modern-frum as most religious American Jews did in the 60's. But she wanted more and she undertook more careful observance of mitzvos. It's her personality though, her love for Jews, her ability to make anyone feel comfortable, her "good eye" that saw only good in people, that comes across most powerfully.<br />
<br />
Even if we are not like Henny in personality, which I'm not, we can all adopt some aspects of her good middos. Whether it came easy for her or not, and some things she worked on, it wasn't all a gift, we can stretch, as she did, to do chesed and serve Hashem.Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-72291626218806193142017-05-29T20:57:00.000-04:002017-05-29T20:57:14.935-04:00If It Feels GoodIn Inyan magazine #952, Rabbi Zecharya Greenwald writes, "Children today, by and large, have replaced the concept of "good and evil" with 'comfortable and uncomfortable.' Not that they do not want to do what is right; on the contrary, they very much desire to do what is correct. How then do they "know" what is the right thing to do? They see how it feels. If it "feels good," it is good, and if it "feels bad," it must be bad."<br />
<br />
I wonder whether this comes from "safety" talks with kids, in which children are told that if someone does something that makes them feel uncomfortable, that's not good and they should leave immediately and report it.Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-42435995525830105882017-05-22T21:21:00.001-04:002017-05-22T21:21:17.980-04:00Family MissionYisroel Besser in a Mishpacha article asks the question, what does your family stand for. Answers might include: chesed, Torah study, hospitality, kiruv etc.<br />
<br />
I think the question is an interesting one. I hadn't thought of that idea before, that a family might stand for anything. Aren't we all trying to be good Jews, doing mitzvos, learning Torah, celebrating Shabbos and Yom Tov?<br />
<br />
But just like a person who is shomer mitzvos might have a particular mitzva that is dear to him, that he excels in (Gemara<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"> Shabbos 118b </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;">- <i>Avuch bameh havah zahir tfei</i>? What was your father punctilious in observing?), so too, a family can collectively have their specialty. Maybe it's Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, being friendly to whoever we meet.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;">If I had to say what it was in the family I grew up in, I would say an inquiring mind, learning, asking questions, thinking for yourself.</span></span>Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-43789616729723083522017-05-19T16:46:00.002-04:002017-05-19T16:46:11.639-04:00Bird SightingRight outside my window, on the ledge, was a bird that looked like this:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://c1.staticflickr.com/9/8510/8480839994_c679faec94_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="284" src="https://c1.staticflickr.com/9/8510/8480839994_c679faec94_b.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I was quite sure it was a female cardinal and I checked online and I was right. I knew the male cardinal is bright red, like this:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/PHOTO/LARGE/northern_cardinal_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/PHOTO/LARGE/northern_cardinal_1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
It was a thrill to see this not-very-common bird a few inches away from me. It did not seem to know I was there, on the other side of the glass. I'm used to seeing pigeons and sparrows, some starlings. A cardinal sighting was a treat!Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-42900873360041056832017-04-29T21:50:00.001-04:002017-04-29T21:50:39.708-04:00Choosing WellIn contrast to the sad story told two entries ago, <a href="https://bikores.blogspot.com/2017/04/we-do-have-choices-2.html">here</a>, here is a story where one positive remark changed a person's life:<br />
<br />
The story is told (I read it in <i>Let There be Rain</i>) about the secular president of an Israeli university who recognized Rabbi Yosef Shlomo Kahaneman, the Ponovezher Rav in an airport. The president introduced himself by saying, "K'vod harav, we are in the same business. I am raising funds for my university and you are raising funds for your yeshiva."<br />
<br />
R' Kahaneman responded by embracing the man and greeting him warmly.<br />
<br />
The president said, "If the rav knew what a sinner I am, he would not give me such a warm greeting."<br />
<br />
The rav said, "If only you knew what a holy spark lies in your neshama, you would talk differently about yourself."<br />
<br />
In his memoirs, the man wrote that from that day on, "I began to feel like a Jew and act like a Jew. I refrained from certain sins forever, and I accepted upon myself to do certain mitzvos. I was reborn because of how the Ponovezher Rav greeted me and spoke to me."<br />
<br />
***<br />
In this case, it was the yetzer tov and the neshama coming to the fore. In the previous examples, it was the yetzer hara triumphing.Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-41604103091134671202017-04-23T07:53:00.002-04:002017-04-23T07:53:47.422-04:0027 Nissan: The yartzeit of Rabbi Avigdor Miller z"l<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51VI53IU0WL._SX337_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51VI53IU0WL._SX337_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg" width="217" /></a></div>
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Rabbi Miller passed away 16 years ago. Although I only attended one of the famous Thursday night classes one time, I listened to dozens of his tapes and felt that I owed him the respect of attending his funeral.<br />
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He was a remarkable man for his time (he was born in 1908). Not too many young men were raised frum in America, and of those who were, not many remained religious. He was one of the few. He was also one of the few to make the trip to the famous yeshiva in Slabodka in Europe to learn Torah. His brother Yeshaya followed his older brother there and became a rav in Boston.<br />
<br />
What stands out about him to me are:<br />
<br />
his discipline - every moment was accounted for<br />
his focus on Shaar Ha'Bechina of Chovos Ha'Levavos<br />
his hasmada<br />
his focus on bitachon and gratitude<br />
his humor and simcha<br />
his talk about love for Hashem<br />
his outreach, i.e. teaching Torah to people on all levels<br />
his principles like only speaking Yiddish in the home<br />
his being an American gadol<br />
his emphasis on "asei lecha rav" and living in a makom Torah<br />
his having a program for every goal with exercises, breaking it down into steps, leading his kehilla step by step<br />
the supremacy of Torah learning<br />
his half hour walk every day<br />
his being a non-conformist<br />
his outspokenness<br />
<br />
His teachings are widely spread today by his books, MP3 lectures, and emails.<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>yehi zichro boruch</i>Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-68872426258909120032017-04-21T13:38:00.001-04:002017-04-22T20:45:34.866-04:00We Do Have Choices 2As a follow-up to this post <a href="https://bikores.blogspot.com/2017/03/in-talk-rivka-malka-perlman-told-about.html">here</a>, Rabbi YY Jacobson tells the following story:<br />
<br />
He got an email from a parent. A ten year old girl started displaying apathy to Judaism. Today she is 14 and is completely irreligious. The parents are wonderful people and have a wonderful home. They could not understand what went wrong. They tried various therapists, was there trauma of some kind? What alienated her? They couldn't figure it out.<br />
<br />
A few weeks ago, she told them what happened. She was eight years old and she did something wrong in class. The parent was embarrassed to tell R' Jacobson what she did, it was silly. The teacher went over to her in front of the class and said, "I never met someone who has a <i>yetzer hara</i> as big as yours."<br />
<br />
The girl told her parents that she decided to prove her teacher right.<br />
<br />
***<br />
Why was her self-image defined by a statement by a teacher as opposed to all the things she saw and heard at home? Granted, a morah is a major force in a little girl's life, and the way the woman said it to her in front of the class made a huge impact, but still ...<br />
<br />
Does the 14 year old understand that she is living her life as though dictated by a lady whose class she was in six years ago? That she has not thought through what life is about and made her choices accordingly, but is acting like the woman's lackey? Is her life so enjoyable this way, with her thinking every day - Yes! I will show my teacher she is right! - ?<br />
<br />
As someone who recreated herself as an adult put it, "We are the people we decide to be, not the people others expect us to be. We can decide."<br />
<br />Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-31082457283298282702017-04-14T11:22:00.000-04:002017-04-14T11:22:15.410-04:00Splitting the SeaWith Shevii shel Pesach around the corner, which marks the splitting of the Yam Suf, here is an astonishing observation.<br />
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The term "keria," splitting, which is how the miracle is known, i.e. kerias Yam Suf, קריעת ים סוף, does not appear in Tanach. It is a much later word used by the Sages almost exclusively scores of times and is quoted by Rashi.<br />
<br />
What is used in Tanach to refer to the splitting of the sea is the root בקע as the verse that describes the event says, "<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: narkisim; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">"נטה את ידך על הים </span><u style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: narkisim; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">ובקעהו</u><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: narkisim; font-size: 16px; text-align: justify;">"</span> stretch out your hand and split it," and גזר as in "לגוזר ים סוף לגזרים."<br />
<br />
When googling this, you can find articles that explain why this is so.<br />
<br />Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-47292174882419804532017-04-07T16:31:00.001-04:002017-04-07T16:31:11.226-04:00Some Answers 4<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Answer 10:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #222222;">No
answer to that – but something I sense when cleaning: A Yid has to
live in 2 different worlds: among the non-Jews but apart;
hishtadlus in earthly matters but knowing Hashem controls everything;
sadness at our pain and suffering but joy in life, serving Hashem
– and, of course, chometz and non-chometz!</span> </span>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><b>Answer 11:</b></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">freeing
ourselves from internal and external limitations that keep us from
serving Hashem in the most complete way.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Answer 12: </b></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #222222;">From
Rabbi Miller: Because as we said before, the purpose of the whole
story of </span><em><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-style: normal;">Mitzraim
</span></span></em><span style="color: #222222;">was to create<i> </i></span><em><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-style: normal;">seichel</span><span style="font-style: normal;">
</span></span></em><span style="color: #222222;">in us; </span><i><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-style: normal;">deiah</span></span><span style="color: #222222;">,
</span><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-style: normal;">emunah</span></span></i><span style="color: #222222;">,
understanding.</span> </span>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #222222;"><b><br /></b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #222222;"><b>Answer 13:</b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I would say that our job is to internalize the message that Hashem loves us with a tremendous love and expressed his love in an unprecedented manner (breaking nature in numerous ways and selecting us from all the other nations despite our not being worthy at that moment etc...)</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As a result of that love we should have an unending <i>hakoras hatov</i> to Hashem and should praise him and please him by reciprocating his love to him through fulfilling his will with passion and devotion.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In this sense<i> Nishmas</i> is the high point of the Haggada (I heard this from Rav Brevda<i> zatzal</i>).</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-31414302182502194132017-04-06T09:41:00.002-04:002017-04-06T21:42:19.876-04:00Some Answers 3<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Answer 7:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I think the main message is about breaking though our self-perceived limitation in our avodas Hash-m, as well as leveling out our <i>ga'ava</i> (ego, arrogance) -- both of which create a barrier between one another. Then we can achieve the <i>achdus</i> (unity) originally established at Matan Torah.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Answer 8:</b></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I think the main message would be that Hashem is always there and when He promises something he fulfills His promise. Hashem promised Avraham that his children will be strangers in a strange land, but they will be freed and will leave with great wealth. Well, that is exactly what happened. So a lesson we can take is that if Hashem says He will do something, it will come. For example, the Mashiach will come even though it feels like it won't as it is taking so long. </span><br />
<div dir="LTR" id="m_6861941917068387691m_2435758354329001261m_-6516098501382598346gmail-Section3" style="color: #222222;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="m_6861941917068387691_m_2435758354329001261_m_-6516098501382598346_m_-5952087326212157488gmail-%3A1w42" style="color: #1155cc;"></a>Also throughout the Hagaddah, there are things that remind us of what our role in life is. For example we say that there will always be nations who will rise up against us.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Answer 9: </b></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-style: italic;">'vehigadeta lebincha </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6a6a6a; font-style: italic;">bayom hahu</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454;"><i> leimor ba'avur zeh asah Hashem li b'tzeyti mimitzrayim' </i> (and relate to your child on that day, saying, because of this, Hashem did this for me when I left Egypt) - the centrality of mesorah, imparting our traditions to the next generation.</span></span></div>
</div>
Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-6133873998444387812017-04-05T08:54:00.001-04:002017-04-05T08:54:21.167-04:00Some Answers 2<b>Answer 4:</b><br />
<br />
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Remembrance of who we are as a people and a nation.</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Our essential connection to Hashem.. who rules the world</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And... it takes work to leave one's personal Mitzrayim </span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Answer 5:</b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I think the main message or event of Pesach is that we prepare very carefully and attentively to perform a very special mitzvah. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">On Pesach, we eat a mitzvah - matzoh. </span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">By eating it and digesting it, it enters into and becomes part of our entire system. </span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We do this mitzvah for a long time and in many forms, as the bread of faith. </span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The mitzvah cannot be undone or taken off. It is the closest possible connection with Hashem.</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Answer 6:</b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Freedom from slavery</span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Faith in G-d</span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Gratitude to G-d</span></div>
</div>
Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-46985579167785262932017-04-04T17:32:00.003-04:002017-04-05T08:49:54.497-04:00Some Answers<span style="font-family: inherit;">(see previous post)</span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Answer 1:</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">cheirus</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">as we say in the Pesach davening - <i>zman cheiruseinu</i></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></i>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Answer 2:</b> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #500050; font-family: inherit;">Let My people go so they will serve Me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #500050; font-family: inherit;">I think that line, from the Torah, includes the ideas of 1) we are Hashem's chosen people, 2) that He is involved in the details of our lives, 3) that our purpose in life is to serve Hashem - all three vital messages encapsulated in those words.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #500050; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #500050; font-family: inherit;"><b>Answer 3:</b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">If you don't let G-d's people go you get in </span><i style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">mucho</i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> trouble!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #500050;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-73505143413142420552017-03-31T14:25:00.000-04:002017-03-31T14:25:12.636-04:00Main Message of PesachI've been asking people, what do you think the main message of Pesach is?<br />
<br />
I've gotten 10 answers so far and although there is a little overlap, what I love about this is the variety of answers, all valid.<br />
<br />
So you can think about it, and post an answer if you like, and eventually I will post the answers that I got.Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-40472989466475468602017-03-30T21:24:00.000-04:002017-03-30T21:24:15.065-04:00The Fish Story that Sparked a Tikkun14 years ago, people were buzzing about the talking fish in New Square. Some believed the story, others scoffed. It became the source for many a joke. You can read about it <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2003/03/15/nyregion/miracle-dream-prank-fish-talks-town-buzzes.html">here</a><br />
<br />
I had no reason not to believe it and I looked askance at those who automatically dismissed the story.<br />
<br />
Last year, before Pesach, Family First magazine had a remarkable story. In it, a woman shopping in a very busy hardware store before Pesach saw a woman who looked out of place in New Square, who looked like she needed help. She offered her assistance and the woman said she was making her first Pesach and was not sure what to get and what to do.<br />
<br />
The woman, who looked like she was in her early 30's explained that she drove all the way from West Haven, Connecticut to New Square because of the fish story. Her family was traditional - they went to synagogue for Yom Kippur, and each year there was a big family seder. But then it petered out and her father died, and she did not attend a seder since she was 17.<br />
<br />
She said her father loved to fish in a brook near her home. When she heard the story about the fish that said "tikkun," she felt her father was talking to her through the fish, telling her to correct what she had abandoned, to make a Pesach seder again. And she thought "there was no better place to start than here (New Square), the place that was witness to the fish with a message."<br />
<br />
The New Square lady helped the woman choose what to buy for Pesach and a few days later she went to West Haven to help her kasher her kitchen and get it ready for Pesach.<br />
<br />Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-71673799838918002232017-03-28T17:56:00.001-04:002017-04-21T09:40:06.064-04:00We Do Have ChoicesIn a talk, Rivka Malka Perlman told about a young man whom her brother (Benzion Klatzko) is trying to be mekarev.<br />
<br />
The person is tough and bitter and her brother asked him what's your story?<br />
<br />
He said, when I was younger I was okay, but then my mother got sick and passed away. I was very lonely and having a very hard time in school, and I ended up connecting with not the greatest kids.<br />
One day, the boys threw a rock at someone's car and the alarm went off. The owner came out screaming but the other boys ran off and I was blamed for it. The man said I'm calling your father and the police. The police came and took a report. My father came and took me home and was very disappointed with me.<br />
<br />
I was punished and I didn't know what to think. I had gone from being an average person to a horrible person. I left school and did horrible things.<br />
<br />
***<br />
One day he was at a pizza shop and a nice man came over and spoke to him. He began casually meeting him, and he gradually spent more time with the man and began to trust him. The man recommended a summer camp for him. He was excited to go and the man said he would take care of the money and speak to the boy's father.<br />
<br />
He hadn't been in a Jewish environment for so long but this seemed like a chance to start over.<br />
His father gave permission and camp was a fresh start and he was reminded that he's actually a nice guy, and he started to have fun again and to heal from his mother's passing.<br />
<br />
He came back from camp a new person.<br />
<br />
The guys back home saw that he was different. They invited him to a barbecue and he was nervous about attending because he hadn't had friends back home in a long time. He decided to give it a try. He wanted to be the kid he was in camp, but it was hard to do that at home.<br />
<br />
The barbecue was wonderful and he felt so grateful that the good times could last. He went inside to the kitchen for more drinks and saw, to his dismay, that the host was the owner of the car that had been hit by a rock. The man yelled, I remember you, I don't forget kids like you, you think you can come to my house and be part of a barbecue here, what are you doing on my property? Get out of here, you don't belong here!<br />
<br />
"That was the end for me. I joined a gang and that's me today."<br />
<br />
***<br />
I heard this story and thought, it is so important to teach children about free choice, that Hashem makes things happen to us, but we get to choose how to respond. We are not compelled to react one way or another.<br />
<br />
Losing his mother and feeling lonely, made him friendly with fringe kids. Being yelled at, apparently wrongly, made him decide he's bad. Going to camp and having a good experience, made him feel he's good. Being yelled at again, made him feel turned off from everything and everyone. He behaved like a marionette - when his "strings were pulled," he moved in that direction.<br />
<br />
One can imagine someone else in similar circumstances responding differently. It's not like this young man<i> had</i> to respond as he did, though he may have felt that there was no other way. It is this that I think we must convey, that we <i>do</i> have choices in our responses, that the way we respond is not a given.<br />
<br />
As I read in a book about happiness long ago about a former prisoner of the Soviet gulag who spent 12 yrs. in
concentration camps, starved, beaten, humiliated, who lost two fingers to
frostbite who said, "Victim! I am not a victim! I survived!"<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br />
</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Many
people can’t do this. They carry their hurt forever. They begin
to define themselves as their pain.</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br />
</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Life
hurts but you can’t allow yourself to get wrapped up in this hurt,
constantly reliving it, fearing the future and grieving the past.
That’s victimization. </i>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<i>Other
people can hurt you but only you can victimize yourself.</i><br />
<br />Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-63610549075505140842017-03-20T22:08:00.000-04:002017-03-20T22:08:42.938-04:00Then and NowMrs. Grama, whose sensible view I've quoted before <a href="https://bikores.blogspot.com/2016/08/pills-are-easier.html?m=0">here</a>, wrote another sensible piece in Inyan magazine that began with her relating three incidents.<br />
<br />
In the first incident, a father takes his three year old to the Steipler Gaon and says, "He still doesn't talk."<br />
<br />
The Steipler asked him, "Can he say at least one word?"<br />
<br />
The father said yes, he says Abba.<br />
<br />
The Steipler said, then don't worry, with Hashem's help he will talk.<br />
<br />
In the second incident, a young father asked Rabbi Nissim Karelitz what to do about his four and six year olds who constantly fought.<br />
<br />
R' Karelitz said, Tell them stories [that emphasize good middos]."<br />
<br />
Third incident - an 11 year old boy's principal asked the mother to come down to the school where he told her that her son was brazenly breaking the rules and was having trouble concentrating in class.<br />
<br />
The mother consulted with an experienced and successful mother of a large family who knew her and her son well and was told she must do a better job protecting her son from being bullied by his older brother, a child needs to feel safe in his own home, and told her how.<br />
<br />
Mrs. Grama says the three stories ended well. She points out that nowadays, with these situations, most people would have consulted with a speech pathologist, a behavioral psychologist and a psychiatrist who would likely have:<br />
<br />
asked the parents why they hadn't started intervention earlier and advised immediate speech therapy<br />
<br />
discussed sibling rivalry and appropriate parental intervention followed by behavioral therapy<br />
<br />
prescribed medication to calm the child followed by therapy.<br />
<br />
She asks, are we made differently nowadays? Or is it our way of thinking that has become corrupted?Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-80458936212175860092017-03-10T13:44:00.005-05:002017-03-10T13:44:54.206-05:00We Can Daven for Anything<br />
Rabbi Dovid Kaplan, in an Inyan magazine article, wrote that he heard that Rabbi Tzvi Meir Zilberberg said in a shiur that over Chanuka he slept a total of 17 hours. This is because he wanted to absorb as much of the spiritual energy of Chanuka as he could.<br />
<br />
Someone went over to him after the shiur and asked how it was possible to go for eight days on a little more than two hours of sleep a night.<br />
<br />
R' Zilberberg responded, "Do you know how many years I've been davening to need less sleep?"<br />
<br />
R' Kaplan said his embarrassed reaction to that was, "Oh, I didn't realize you can daven to need less sleep." He had thought that davening was just for parnassa and health and things like that.<br />
<br />
***<br />
I had a teacher who, if I'm not mistaken, said not to ask Hashem for the petty things. This is wrong. We can and should daven to make the bus or train, to find parking quickly, to get a seat or a good seat, to find what we're looking for, for the dish to come out good, to get a quick response, and everything else! Not that R' Zilberberg's tefilla was for something petty. The point is, Hashem is the address for everything, and we shouldn't limit our requests to the standard ones.Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-88792304742863066972017-03-04T21:15:00.003-05:002017-03-04T21:15:53.922-05:00Women Are AbsentI find it interesting how we never hear a story about the <i>beis din shel maala</i> (Heavenly Court) that has a woman involved. If you know of any, please tell us ...<br />
<br />
All those stories, about arriving in the next world and having one's deeds scrutinized, and piles of mitzvos and sins, and angels or tzaddikim getting involved in the judgment, and what it is like in the place of reward or punishment, never have a female as the protagonist! Why is this so? For that matter, I don't think I've read any stories about Jewish women who are nearly dead or apparently died, who come back to life to tell what they've seen in the next world.<br />
<br />
I'm not talking about women who are no longer living coming to someone alive in a dream; there are stories like that.<br />
<br />
For that matter, some of the questions that the Gemara (Shabbos 31a) says a soul will be asked do not apply to women. The questions are:<br />
<br />
<span class="he" style="color: #333333; direction: rtl; display: block; font-family: "Taamey Frank", "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 21.6px; text-align: right;">אמר רבא בשעה שמכניסין אדם לדין אומרים לו נשאת ונתת באמונה קבעת עתים לתורה עסקת בפו"ר צפית לישועה פלפלת בחכמה הבנת דבר מתוך דבר ואפ"ה אי יראת ה' היא אוצרו אין אי לא לא. </span><span class="en" style="color: #666666; display: block; font-family: adobe-garamond-pro, "Crimson Text", Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; margin: 10px 0px 20px;"><b>Rava said:</b> After departing from this world, <b>when a person is brought to judgment</b> for the life he lived in this world, <b>they say to him</b> ... Did <b>you conduct business faithfully?</b> Did <b>you designate times for Torah</b> study? Did <b>you engage in procreation? Did you await salvation? Did you engage</b> in the dialectics of <b>wisdom</b> or understand <b>one matter from another? And, nevertheless,</b> beyond all these, <b>if the fear of the Lord is his treasure, yes,</b> he is worthy, and <b>if not, no,</b> none of these accomplishments have any value. </span><br />
<br />
Did you conduct business honestly? (some women are in business; many aren't).<br />
Did you set fixed times to study Torah? (not for women)<br />
Were you involved in being fruitful and multiplying? (a man's mitzva)<br />
Did you look forward expectantly for the redemption?<br />
Did you engage in the pursuit of wisdom?<br />
Above all else, does the person have fear of heaven?<br />
<br />
<br />Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-9290452802839327062017-03-03T16:25:00.003-05:002017-03-03T16:25:35.987-05:00The Pious Ones<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://img1.od-cdn.com/ImageType-100/0293-1/%7B1E690FAD-0377-40E5-83B5-B000BBFB6C6F%7DImg100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://img1.od-cdn.com/ImageType-100/0293-1/%7B1E690FAD-0377-40E5-83B5-B000BBFB6C6F%7DImg100.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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I read <i>The Pious Ones </i>and thought it was quite good. The author, a writer for <i>The New York Times,</i> describes himself as "a fairly assimilated Jew who nevertheless attends synagogue and observes many biblical traditions," and yet he looks very favorably upon Chassidim. He puts a positive spin even on things that don't seem so positive.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
His first chapter, about Yitta Schwartz, refers to a <i>NY Times</i> article he wrote about her: <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/21/nyregion/21yitta.html">here</a> . He said that the less than prominently placed article ended up at the top of that day's list of most emailed stories and stayed on the list for many more days.</div>
Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-25235807647446259732017-02-26T22:20:00.000-05:002017-02-26T22:20:21.855-05:00Update on Modern Forms of CommunicationAs a follow-up post to this one <a href="http://bikores.blogspot.com/2012/11/talk-to-me.html">here</a> about communication nowadays, there was an article in Binah by someone who says she was as anti-cellphone as they come. Whatever advantages owning one had, they were outweighed by the disadvantages, as far as she was concerned.<br />
<br />
But there was a price to pay, she says and she finally bought a cellphone. Why? Because the <i>lack</i> of communication was disturbing. Her friends and people she knows all text, and she missed out on more and more things that were important to her like meetings she attends that are arranged by text. By not texting, the organizer had to remember to call her (which is a bother) which she did not always do and not having a cell phone was putting the organizer out each month.<br />
<br />
There were mazal tov texts that she never received, bris information she didn't get, and carpooling texts in which she wasn't included. "Not having a cellphone, I was separating myself from the klal, a klal that embraced texting as an easy mode of communication. Because like it or not, cellphone ownership (including texting) is a societal expectation."<br />
<br />
She has since seen other advantages to owning a cellphone, though she says they are side benefits and not reason enough to own one. She now owns one "in order to stay connected with my family, friends and community. In my opinion, cellphone ownership and close relationships are only mutually exclusive if you allow them to be."<br />
<br />
This supported what I wrote years ago, that I communicate <i>more</i> with people with modern technology. It may still be true that for young people, it stifles their communication. I'm not even sure that is true.<br />
<br />
Interestingly, kosher phones in the US are filtered phones which may allow some Internet connection and texting, while kosher phones in Israel do not allow any Internet or texting. So what in America is called "kosher," in Israel is called "treif."Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-25632252785649946622017-02-20T12:16:00.000-05:002017-02-20T12:16:36.188-05:00No SandwichSo this is what I learn from Yisro.<br />
<br />
That when it comes to fathers-in-law and sons-in-law, 1) a father-in-law can criticize his son-in-law as it says: Yisro saw everything Moshe was doing to the people and he said, what is this that you are doing? ... What you are doing isn't good!<br />
<br />
2) That you can give unsolicited advice (maybe this applies only to fathers-in-law to sons-in-law).<br />
<br />
3) That the advice does not have to be done with the "sandwich method," in which criticism is "sandwiched" between two positive comments.Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-82655046327920458252017-02-18T20:16:00.000-05:002017-02-18T20:16:26.327-05:00Hard to RelateThere is a famous Ibn Ezra on the dibra of <i>lo sachmod</i> - "Do not covet your neighbor's house. Do not covet your neighbor's wife, his manservant, his maidservant, his ox, his donkey, or whatever belongs to your neighbor." He says, a commoner does not think he will marry the princess because he knows the princess is out of his league. We only desire things we can relate to. If something is completely beyond us, we don't consider having it.<br />
<br />
The Ibn Ezra says that if we consider that people have the things they have because Hashem wants them to, then we will not covet things that other people have.<br />
<br />
Can Americans relate to the Ibn Ezra's analogy? I don't think so. American kids are raised with the message: You can be whatever you want to be. You can be an astronaut. You can be the one to find the cure for cancer. You can be president of the United States. There is nothing you can't have or be if you want it enough.<br />
<br />
This message has been internalized in the frum mindset. You can grow up to be a gadol who will be on people's walls <a href="https://bikores.blogspot.com/2009/12/why-not-you.html?m=0">here</a> . And why can't a middle class - lower middle class - or poor family have a fancy wedding like a rich person who can afford it? Back in the shtetl you can be sure that the cobbler never dreamed of making a wedding like the town parnas, but nowadays, with everyone equal and supposedly deserving of the same things as everyone else, why shouldn't the poor do and have what the rich do and have? The Ibn Ezra's understanding of <i>lo sachmod</i> is much harder for us to grasp.<br />
Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836379088405065709.post-23443739264641387912017-02-17T13:55:00.000-05:002017-02-17T13:55:15.504-05:00The Wrong Address<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I have been reading a diary that is printed weekly in Ami Living. A mother tells about her wonderful son who did beautifully in school through high school. Then he inexplicably began acting strangely. She says it is ten years now that she has been experiencing horrible situations with her son, his drug use, stealing, suicide attempts, outbursts, lack of religiosity. For a while it was a mystery, until her son confided in her husband that he had watched inappropriate things (no further details about this). This is a letter that I wrote to the magazine which they have not published:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"><br /></span>
<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I have been following the tragic story of a woman's son's deterioration over the past many installments of </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Up the Down Escalator</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"> and I am </span><span class="il" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">perplexed</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">. What set the young man off was seeing inappropriate things. This led to consultations with psychologists, a social worker, and even medication and hospitalization.</span></i><br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<i>But seeing inappropriate things is a spiritual problem! Out in the 'velt," seeing such things is not viewed as a problem! It would seem that the right person to consult about this would have been a rabbinic guide who could have provided a Torah perspective, direction in teshuva, and guidance in how to get back on track, spiritually. </i></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<i>Wishing all of us yeshuos,</i></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
To me, it sounds like asking for a loaf of bread in a hardware store, shoes in a grocery story. They may as well consult with a podiatrist; why a psychologist? These professionals were of no use and worse, the young man deteriorated under their care. It is painful to read how misdirected he was. They focused exclusively on his depression and other psychological symptoms and not on what got him in the mess in the first place.</div>
Critiquerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14788007492647988964noreply@blogger.com1