Long ago here, I wrote that "guilt" is considered negative and not Jewish and I wondered about how that fits with the idea of charata (remorse), a component of the teshuva process.
Once again, this time in R' Yaakov Bender's book on chinuch, it's down with guilt and up with regret. He says "there is nothing wrong with busha (shame) and regret," for this is part of teshuva. He says, "This allows us to move on and to become great individuals without an iota of guilt. Guilt is what you want to avoid. We don't want guilt. We don't want negativity."
More from R' Bender: "Are regret, remorse, and embarrassment necessary? Yes, of course, with the proper teshuva. Guilt? Absolutely not."
Maybe someone can explain to me the difference between regret and guilt, since the dictionary says they are synonyms.
Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guilt. Show all posts
Jun 19, 2015
Oct 29, 2012
Guilt-Free
It wasn't the first time I've read or heard that guilt is not a Jewish idea. The time before that it was in a pre-Rosh Hashana lecture. Each time, I come across this thought I'm taken aback.
The reasoning they give is that halacha provides for teshuva in which you acknowledge what you did, feel bad about it, and resolve not to do it again. Guilt is not seen as playing a role in the teshuva process and is called a waste of time and energy.
Perhaps the reason they say this is because too many people get pulled down into depressive states and this no-guilt approach is meant to enable people to remain b'simcha and move on. However, it doesn't sound correct to me. Doesn't feeling bad about it entail feeling guilty? And, after all, what did Dovid Ha'Melech mean when he said in Tehillim (51:5), "“V'chatasi negdi samid" (my sin is always before me)? True, Rebbi Eliezer ben Yakov learns from these words that it is always good to confess one's sins before Hashem, no matter how long ago one transgressed. But there is also the understanding that Dovid always kept his sins in mind. Not to depress him, but perhaps to remind him of his frailty, to keep him humble, and to prevent him from stumbling.
Our generation has been called the "disposable generation" which refers to the appliances which don't last and are not worth fixing, plastic plates and utensils, and even marriages. The no-guilt approach to teshuva is so simple. Just acknowledge sin, regret it briefly, and commit to not repeating it. Then move on. We can dispose of our sins as easily as tossing them into the water during Tashlich. But is it really so easy? Is there no middle road in which we can and should feel guilty and be left with residual guilt? Is our teshuva done with such love for Hashem that our sins were transformed into merits? If not, shouldn't some guilt remain?
The reasoning they give is that halacha provides for teshuva in which you acknowledge what you did, feel bad about it, and resolve not to do it again. Guilt is not seen as playing a role in the teshuva process and is called a waste of time and energy.
Perhaps the reason they say this is because too many people get pulled down into depressive states and this no-guilt approach is meant to enable people to remain b'simcha and move on. However, it doesn't sound correct to me. Doesn't feeling bad about it entail feeling guilty? And, after all, what did Dovid Ha'Melech mean when he said in Tehillim (51:5), "“V'chatasi negdi samid" (my sin is always before me)? True, Rebbi Eliezer ben Yakov learns from these words that it is always good to confess one's sins before Hashem, no matter how long ago one transgressed. But there is also the understanding that Dovid always kept his sins in mind. Not to depress him, but perhaps to remind him of his frailty, to keep him humble, and to prevent him from stumbling.
Our generation has been called the "disposable generation" which refers to the appliances which don't last and are not worth fixing, plastic plates and utensils, and even marriages. The no-guilt approach to teshuva is so simple. Just acknowledge sin, regret it briefly, and commit to not repeating it. Then move on. We can dispose of our sins as easily as tossing them into the water during Tashlich. But is it really so easy? Is there no middle road in which we can and should feel guilty and be left with residual guilt? Is our teshuva done with such love for Hashem that our sins were transformed into merits? If not, shouldn't some guilt remain?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
