Most Influential Pasuk

Earlier this year, I came across a book called "28 Verses that can Change your Life," which presented pesukim that can change your life.  In the introduction to the book, the author asks the reader what pasuk has been most influential in your life.

The question piqued my interest and I thought about it and asked numerous other people this same question along with "why this pasuk."  The answers I received were varied, interesting and sometimes beautiful and often touching.

Shortly after that, Aish did a piece on "Favorite Jewish Quotes" and asked readers to submit theirs.  And then Mishpacha's Family First had an article in which they asked women which pasuk in Tehillim is most significant to them.

How about trying it yourself.  Come up with your own and ask others.  It is enlightening!

Being a Value-Added Person

Avi Shulman wrote an article about  a "value-added" person.  He is someone who, whatever he does, where he is, and whatever situation he is in, adds value.

This reminds me of something a mentor of mine often says, that we have influence.  We must contribute.  It has to make a difference that we are here.  Personal growth is not enough.

Back to Avi Shulman for how to apply this concept:

"It begins with an attitude that says, "Where I go, with whomever I speak, I want to add value to the discussion, to the relationship.  I want my family, my block, my shul, my learning group, my place of work ... to be better because of me.

"Added value is a mindset.  It says when you speak to a person, you want him to feel better about himself and his world because of the added value your conversation or your presence brings."

I don't know that I agree with his example of the young girl hired to babysit who also washes the dishes and cleans the kitchen.  Would he say that a painter who comes to your paint your house should also wash the dishes and clean the kitchen? How about the washing machine repair man?

I can see it applying to showing up at a simcha not just to be yotzei but to make the baalei simcha happy and, possibly adding something positive to the people you encounter there.  It's something we can do just about anytime and anywhere. 

The Power of Expectations

Sara Rigler wrote an intriguing article in the May issue of Ami magazine.  She said that Rebbetzin Kramer, the subject of a book that she wrote, see here, would call newly religious women who visited her "tzadekes."  At first, she thought her naïve but as she got to know her, she saw that Reb. Kramer could not be fooled.

She concluded that the rebbetzin's motivation was to convince people that they could actually become a tzadekes.  She saw it in them. 

Sara Rigler goes on to relate a story about how she realized her 15 year old son was in the wrong yeshiva when his rebbi did not see him in a good light.  If his rebbi did not view him favorably, he could not guide her son to becoming great.  She concludes, "The lesson the rebbetzin taught me [is] that the people in your life become the vision you hold of them ..."

She then tells two marriage stories.  She met two women who had married serious learning boys and had been kollel wives until their husbands announced they were no longer believers.

One wife divorced.  Ten years later, her anti-religious husband is a terrible influence on their children.

The other wife considered divorce but then read something that convinced her that it wasn't a good idea.  She decided that she would make it the best marriage she could and that this entailed respecting her husband.  This wife believed in her husband, thanked him for what he did, complimented him in front of the children for how he cared for his father and ignored what he did wrong.  Ten years later, he did not return to what he once was but he was going to shul daily and learning Torah every day.  Remarkable woman!

Influence!

Our most important asset, said a lecturer, is our power of influence.  Whether we intend it or not, we are always influencing those around us, for better or  ...

When you enter the room, you bring an energy.  What kind of energy do you bring -an uplifting mood? a tension?

There are people who walk into a room and make people smile just because they're there.  When others walk in, people shift uncomfortably in their seats.  Some people's influence is more subtle and you may not even remember whether they were there or not, but their presence made a difference.

When you walk down the street, like it or not, your appearance influences others.  How you dress, how you comport yourself.  Saying, "mind your own business" or "it's your choice whether you look or not" are bogus lines because unless you are invisible, you have an influence on others!

What would I have thought if I had been presented with this idea when a teenager: Why do you dress as you do? What sort of message are you trying to convey? Who are you trying to influence?

Powerful questions to ask ourselves even now, as adults.