Good Chinuch

Tsirel attended Gateshead seminary.  One Lag B'Omer, the school went on an outing and a boat trip.  She knew that her parents were opposed to boat trips and told the hanhala she could not go.  She remained in the school alone (the principal and family were on the premises).

As she sat there reviewing her notes, there was a knock.  Who had shown up at the seminary? Her father and uncle! In her two years in seminary, they came just this one time, only because they were somewhat nearby and decided to drive to see her.

Her father asked where is everyone? Why are you here alone? She told him that the school had gone on a boating trip and she did not go because she knew he did not like the idea.  He was moved to tears.

Here was a popular, lively, fun-loving girl who did not attend a school sponsored trip because she knew her parents did not approve.  They would not have known if she went and the trip was really fine! But since she knew it was something they would not want, she stayed back.  How many parents wonder whether the lessons they've taught their children follow them, even when the children are not under the parents' watchful eyes? How many children are faithful to their parents' wishes when unsupervised by their parents?

Loyalty - Old Fashioned or Still Current?

I took part in a lively discussion today about loyalty.  One person, who seemed to equating loyalty with hakaras ha'tov (gratitude), maintained that although people will say it's a valuable trait, it is nevertheless, quite a rare commodity these days. 

Someone else said that loyalty is highly regarded in her family.  To illustrate, an aunt in Russia in her teens, without parents and having the opportunity to leave communist Russia, remained there for the next thirty years.  Why? Because her brother had been wounded and who would take care of him? If he couldn't walk, she needed to be there for him! This wasn't about hakaras ha'tov; it was about family sticks together and I stand by you, no matter what. 

Someone called that devotion and tossed in the idea that Rabbi Avigdor Miller z'l said that marriage is not about romance; it is about loyalty and devotion.

This led to a discussion about patronizing family members and friends when you need services that they provide.  Although supporting family and friends is an act of loyalty, it is also a potential minefield.  Stories abound about fallings-out, disappointments and unhappiness when doing business with friends and relatives.  Some maintain that business and friendship should remain separate.  The counter-argument presented today was, if you don't support a friend in business, then how are you a friend?

A related question, are we loyal customers or do we shop wherever it's cheaper? Do I have a halachic obligation to be a loyal customer? What about a halachic obligation to be loyal to family? The mitzva of "not ignoring your own flesh [and blood]" comes to mind.

And if loyalty is faithfulness, then an example in the Torah is Moshe whom Hashem describes as being faithful, ne'eman to Him.  Another Torah source for loyalty-devotion-faithfulness is the reason only certain kinds of birds (the tor and the bnei yona) are brought as sacrifices; because they exhibit loyalty and faithfulness.  Any other sources?