Does It Work Both Ways?

There is an ongoing discussion in R' Grylak's column in Mishpacha magazine about parents who expel their wayward children from their homes.  He is incredulous that parents can do this, especially to 15-16 year old girls.

A rabbi who founded a home for these homeless girls tells R' Grylak that it is the shame the parents feel because of their child, the feeling of betrayal, that she humiliated them in front of the world.  "After we sacrificed so much for her, after we nurtured and raised her, she turns around and spits in our faces?" And he says that throwing her out is their revenge.

R' Grylak then goes on to elaborate on the erroneous idea that parents have that their children are their personal property which is why they feel so deeply ashamed and hurt when their children reject their upbringing.

When I read this, my mind went off on a tangent.  According to R' Grylak's reasoning, there would be no good reason for parents to kvell and feel nachas when their children do well.  If, according to him, we should not feel ashamed if our children do things to reject our teachings, by the same token, should we not feel proud and thrilled when our children embrace our teachings?

Our Blood Boils

I was glad to see a frum website with these words on the top of their home page: 

Our hearts break for our Brothers and Sisters in Itamar and our blood boils with a desire for justice.

Too often, I read articles about people who suffered tremendous loss due to terrorist attacks who do not express any feelings of anger and the desire for revenge.  For example, in an interview with a bereaved husband and father, when asked whether he is angry about what happened, he said, "Chas v'shalom! Anger? At whom?"  He said he knows it is all from Hashem and the people who perpetrate these crimes will pay for it."

Now, of course that is true, that these evil people are Hashem's messengers and they will ultimately pay the price, but as the expression goes, "Ven es tut vay, shrait men" - when it hurts, you cry out.  

We read parshas Zachor this Shabbos in which we recall what Amalek did to us and the mitzva to annihilate them. We should hate Amalek and be furious about what they did and still do to our people. We should be outraged by "those who destroy you who emerge from you" - sadly, those Jews who actively contribute towards the endangerment of Jewish lives and the arousal of hatred on the part of the world.

It says that whoever has compassion when they should be cruel, will be cruel when they are supposed to have compassion. The classic example of this is this week's Haftora, when King Shaul had mercy on the Amalekim. Because of his mercy, Haman eventually threatened to annihilate the Jewish people. What did Shmuel Ha'Navi do? He cut Agag, King of Amalek in two! No misplaced sympathies there! And later on, Shaul had the priestly city of Nov killed.

In perek 79 of Tehillim, sadly, so apt these days, it says, "Nations have entered into Your inheritance ... they have made Jerusalem into heaps of ruins. They have given the corpse of Your servants as food to the birds of the heavens ... they have shed their blood like water round about Jerusalem ...We were a humiliation to our neighbors, an object of scorn and derision ... How long Hashem, will you be angry? ... Pour Your wrath upon the nations that know You not ... let it be known among the nations before our eyes, the avenging of the spilt blood of Your servants ..."

We say some of this at the Pesach seder too. "Pour Your wrath upon the nations ..."

Revenge IS Jewish, and we want to see it NOW! Building is NOT enough!