Earlier this year, I came across a book called "28 Verses that can Change your Life," which presented pesukim that can change your life. In the introduction to the book, the author asks the reader what pasuk has been most influential in your life.
The question piqued my interest and I thought about it and asked numerous other people this same question along with "why this pasuk." The answers I received were varied, interesting and sometimes beautiful and often touching.
Shortly after that, Aish did a piece on "Favorite Jewish Quotes" and asked readers to submit theirs. And then Mishpacha's Family First had an article in which they asked women which pasuk in Tehillim is most significant to them.
How about trying it yourself. Come up with your own and ask others. It is enlightening!
Oct 30, 2014
Oct 29, 2014
Male Teachers in Girls' Schools
Beis Yaakov, from its inception, had female and male staff members. Over the years it has always had male teachers in addition to the female staff. Various high schools and seminaries have become associated with their male principals such as R' Mordechai Miller a"h of Gateshead, R' Binyamin Steinberg a"h of BY of Baltimore, Rabbis Teichman and Greenberg of BYA, Rabbi Aisenstark of BY in Montreal, etc.
With two recent seminary (in Israel) scandals that I know of, I've been wondering about this policy of male staff members having such a great involvement with female students. Chassidishe girls' schools do not have male teachers. They may have a male guest lecturer for a special occasion; otherwise, men are not interacting with the girls on a regular basis in the classroom, learning their names, marking their papers, answering their questions, etc.
Why are male teachers and principals deemed necessary in BY types of schools while Chassidishe girls' schools do not hire them? Are the Chassidishe girls losing out by not having male teachers and hashpa'ah? If not, why do BY schools have them, and if they are, is there a way to have male teachers while ensuring the utmost decorum and distance?
I'd like to hear what R' Wallerstein, founder of Ohr Naava and related girls' institutions, has to say about this!
With two recent seminary (in Israel) scandals that I know of, I've been wondering about this policy of male staff members having such a great involvement with female students. Chassidishe girls' schools do not have male teachers. They may have a male guest lecturer for a special occasion; otherwise, men are not interacting with the girls on a regular basis in the classroom, learning their names, marking their papers, answering their questions, etc.
Why are male teachers and principals deemed necessary in BY types of schools while Chassidishe girls' schools do not hire them? Are the Chassidishe girls losing out by not having male teachers and hashpa'ah? If not, why do BY schools have them, and if they are, is there a way to have male teachers while ensuring the utmost decorum and distance?
I'd like to hear what R' Wallerstein, founder of Ohr Naava and related girls' institutions, has to say about this!
Oct 28, 2014
Oct 27, 2014
Total Commitment to Torah
I read the following:
"And Avram took his wife, Sarai…and the souls they made in Charan." (12:5)
"And Avram took his wife, Sarai…and the souls they made in Charan." (12:5)
"Targum Onkelos explains v'es ha'nefesh asher asu b'Charan, "and the souls they made in Charan" as, v'yas nafshasa di shabidu l'Oraisa, "and the souls which they committed to Torah." This teaches us, notes Horav Baruch Mordechai Ezrachi, Shlita, that the only commitment of substance, the only obligation that has value and endurance, is a commitment to Torah.
"Turning someone on," getting them to enjoy mitzvah observance, attending services in shul, are all wonderful beginnings, but the nefesh has not yet been made, success has not been achieved, until there is a shibud, obligation and commitment, to Torah study. Only then is there hope that the individual who has been "turned on" will not turn around and become "turned off." Torah protects and ensures the success of the transformation. Torah catalyzes the transformation and sustains the momentum.
Furthermore, adds Rav Ezrachi, one cannot have a shibuda l'Oraisa unless it is accompanied with a lech lecha, go for yourself, me'artzecha, from your land, etc. One must leave his original environment; break his ties with the past. He is committed to one thing and one thing only: Torah. When the separation is unequivocal, as it was with Avraham and Sarah, when there is a total severance from the commitments of the past, there can be a total commitment to Torah."
This leaves me wondering about the guidance given to those who are new to Torah observance. I thought the current approach on the part of people involved in kiruv from various backgrounds is not to convince the newbie to throw his or her past away, but to encourage them to build on it. Their schooling, their profession, their life experience, are often used to reach out to others. How then, would this approach fit with the directive to Avrohom, which is also the directive to all of us, to leave everything behind?
Oct 23, 2014
As of now, Thursday night, I have no guest for the this week's "Shabbos Project." I wrote here about last year's magnificent Shabbos Project in South Africa. This year it is global and you can read about it here and see a heartwarming video about it here.
I tried inviting guests through Shabbat.com and got nowhere. I hope you have more success.
Oct 19, 2014
Sensitivity to Subject Material
I met someone who expressed her dismay over frum publications referring to such sensitive matters as miscarriage. Another person chimed in, saying today it's all out in the open and how years ago, we only had Marcus Lehmann to read and weren't exposed to these sorts of subjects, and do you remember how one magazine created a fervor with its article about sonograms ...
I said, what about what 10 year olds learn in Mishnayos Shabbos, for example. That exposes them to plenty of "interesting" material. The response was that from Torah they relate to it differently, it just passes them by.
Hmmm, guess it depends on the kid.
Shortly after this discussion, I noticed "miscarriage" mentioned in one of the most conservative publications. I remain unsure what the fuss is about when it concerns sonograms and miscarriages. I suppose it's a big deal for those who do not tell their children that a baby is on the way and the children find out only when there is a mazal tov. For the rest of us though, who don't consider an impending birth a great secret, I don't see what the problem is. I suspect that if we discussed it further, we would discover that at the root of it is the fear that children will ask how babies are made.
I said, what about what 10 year olds learn in Mishnayos Shabbos, for example. That exposes them to plenty of "interesting" material. The response was that from Torah they relate to it differently, it just passes them by.
Hmmm, guess it depends on the kid.
Shortly after this discussion, I noticed "miscarriage" mentioned in one of the most conservative publications. I remain unsure what the fuss is about when it concerns sonograms and miscarriages. I suppose it's a big deal for those who do not tell their children that a baby is on the way and the children find out only when there is a mazal tov. For the rest of us though, who don't consider an impending birth a great secret, I don't see what the problem is. I suspect that if we discussed it further, we would discover that at the root of it is the fear that children will ask how babies are made.
Oct 5, 2014
Vidui Mitzvos
R' Kook, "... therefore, just as there is great benefit for rectifying the soul in confessing sins ... so too, in confessing mitzvos, so that he will rejoice with them in his heart and strengthen the pathways of his life in the way of Hashem."
Oct 2, 2014
Pouring Fuel on the Fire part 3
continued from previous post
I had a long talk with one of the women responsible for the brochure. Her number was on it and I conveyed to her the negative comments I'd heard and she welcomed that.
She said 35,000 copies of this issue were sent primarily to schools all over the U.S. and the world. Some shuls got them too.
I brought up 4 negative comments:
1) It blames women and women resent that - she agreed that she would not want to be singled out for blame either, and she asked me whether I had seen flyers around directed at the men (I hadn't).
2) What about other issues like stealing etc. - she said anybody can work on improving any area they like. They focused on this because the rabbis they consulted with, when asked what the women should focus on, told them tznius.
When I said that in addition, tznius is a public transgression, unlike certain other aveiros, she added that breaches in tznius directly cause others to sin which is not the case with most other aveiros.
3) People take exception to the cause and effect message - she said that until she saw it in the sources, the Chofetz Chaim for one, she would have agreed, but what can you say when the sources directly attribute tzaros to lack of tznius?
4) About people thinking it's a negative message - she said two things: A) we need a wake-up call B) if you read all the material you see many positive things too
She sounded like a sincere woman who was truly troubled by the tzaros of Klal Yisrael and who, upon the guidance of rabbonim, chose to work on upgrading our tznius as a volunteer.
It's 12 years later. I think we can all agree that what we want are RESULTS, not to be yotzei "hochei'ach tochi'ach," and not to make people "feel good about themselves." Has tznius improved since then?
If a softer, gentler approach is what people, they need to demonstrate that it's working. We see that the communities which are tougher on tznius have women and girls who actually dress according to halacha. In the communities that try the gentler approach, the results are not obvious.
I had a long talk with one of the women responsible for the brochure. Her number was on it and I conveyed to her the negative comments I'd heard and she welcomed that.
She said 35,000 copies of this issue were sent primarily to schools all over the U.S. and the world. Some shuls got them too.
I brought up 4 negative comments:
1) It blames women and women resent that - she agreed that she would not want to be singled out for blame either, and she asked me whether I had seen flyers around directed at the men (I hadn't).
2) What about other issues like stealing etc. - she said anybody can work on improving any area they like. They focused on this because the rabbis they consulted with, when asked what the women should focus on, told them tznius.
When I said that in addition, tznius is a public transgression, unlike certain other aveiros, she added that breaches in tznius directly cause others to sin which is not the case with most other aveiros.
3) People take exception to the cause and effect message - she said that until she saw it in the sources, the Chofetz Chaim for one, she would have agreed, but what can you say when the sources directly attribute tzaros to lack of tznius?
4) About people thinking it's a negative message - she said two things: A) we need a wake-up call B) if you read all the material you see many positive things too
She sounded like a sincere woman who was truly troubled by the tzaros of Klal Yisrael and who, upon the guidance of rabbonim, chose to work on upgrading our tznius as a volunteer.
It's 12 years later. I think we can all agree that what we want are RESULTS, not to be yotzei "hochei'ach tochi'ach," and not to make people "feel good about themselves." Has tznius improved since then?
If a softer, gentler approach is what people, they need to demonstrate that it's working. We see that the communities which are tougher on tznius have women and girls who actually dress according to halacha. In the communities that try the gentler approach, the results are not obvious.
Oct 1, 2014
Pouring Fuel on the Fire part 2
continued from previous post
A response I've heard is, aveiros don't cancel mitzvos. A mitzvah habo'oh be'aveiroh (a mitzva done in a sinful way) is a problem, but a mitzvah that is not related to the aveirah is another story. Tovel v'sheretz b'yado (immersing while holding an impure creature) is not a good example here because the purity upon immersion never took hold. But if someone prays and then goes outside and eats treif, although eating treif is a sin, it does not cancel his prayer. So perhaps the lack of tznius, as bad and terrible as it may be, does not mean that our prayers are a waste.
True, one should not refrain from davening even while violating the laws of tznius. However, if we want our prayers to be accepted, and we all do, then it makes sense to find favor in Hashem's eyes while asking Him for something. Children act on their best behavior before asking their parents for something.
And yet, Chazal say, even a burglar prays for G-d's help as he prepares to enter the home of his victim (Talmud, Tractate Berachos 63b in Ein Yaakov). How odd that as he is about to commit a sin that may result in violence, even murder, the thief asks for the help of the One Who commands him not to do what he's doing!
A response I've heard is, aveiros don't cancel mitzvos. A mitzvah habo'oh be'aveiroh (a mitzva done in a sinful way) is a problem, but a mitzvah that is not related to the aveirah is another story. Tovel v'sheretz b'yado (immersing while holding an impure creature) is not a good example here because the purity upon immersion never took hold. But if someone prays and then goes outside and eats treif, although eating treif is a sin, it does not cancel his prayer. So perhaps the lack of tznius, as bad and terrible as it may be, does not mean that our prayers are a waste.
True, one should not refrain from davening even while violating the laws of tznius. However, if we want our prayers to be accepted, and we all do, then it makes sense to find favor in Hashem's eyes while asking Him for something. Children act on their best behavior before asking their parents for something.
And yet, Chazal say, even a burglar prays for G-d's help as he prepares to enter the home of his victim (Talmud, Tractate Berachos 63b in Ein Yaakov). How odd that as he is about to commit a sin that may result in violence, even murder, the thief asks for the help of the One Who commands him not to do what he's doing!
Sep 30, 2014
Pouring Fuel on the Fire
This picture is the title of a brochure called "aWEARness," from 2002. aWEARness was an organization that produced brochures pamphlets etc. to promote tznius among frum people. In case it's not large enough to make out: It shows a bus in Israel destroyed by a suicide bomber with a Tehillim above the flames and it asks whether we can extinguish the fire of destruction with the tears of our Tehillim while simultaneously pouring the gasoline of immodesty on the flames. I found the four page flyer in shul. That's just the front cover. It contained divrei Torah and stories.
It is a very blunt, provocative message, inspired by those who say that calamities are predominantly caused by extensive loshon hara and lack of tzinus. This is supported by the fact that where the Torah discusses tumah, the Torah says: ‘I, Hashem, will be dwell among them in the midst of their uncleanness.’ Meaning that even when the Jewish people are not worthy, Hashem is with them. The only place where it says Hashem does not dwell with them is when there is ervah (nakedness). The Torah says, if there is immodesty, ervah, Hashem says I leave.” This (immodesty) is the only issue upon which Hashem’s presence being with us or not depends.
טו. כִּי יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ מִתְהַלֵּךְ | בְּקֶרֶב מַחֲנֶךָ לְהַצִּילְךָ וְלָתֵת אֹיְבֶיךָ לְפָנֶיךָ וְהָיָה מַחֲנֶיךָ קָדוֹשׁ וְלֹא יִרְאֶה בְךָ עֶרְוַת דָּבָר וְשָׁב מֵאַחֲרֶיךָ: For the Lord, your God, goes along in the midst of your camp, to rescue you and to deliver your enemies before you. [Therefore,] your camp shall be holy, so that He should not see anything unseemly among you and would turn away from you. (Devarim 23:15)
What angers people greatly is the presumption that we can declare which sins cause tragedies. After all, there are also the serious sins of bittul Torah, stealing, talking in shul during davening and chilul Shabbos. But the point here is not to say immodesty causes tragedies. There's a concept known as "tovel v'sheretz b'yado" - immersing (for purity) while holding a creeping creature (which confers impurity). The cover of this 4 sided brochure conveys this point. It notes the incongruity of praying for Hashem's mercy while simultaneously transgressing His will. It is not aimed at tinokim sh'nishbu. It is aimed at those who have learned the halachos. So the question for those who vehemently disagree with this method of promoting tznius is: Do you disagree with the premise? Do you think you can extinguish the fire while fueling the flames?
If yes, what is your reasoning? Is it that you compartmentalize and say that Hashem accepts your Tehillim while ignoring lack of tznius?
What if you wanted something from your boss or had an important meeting arranged with the mayor on behalf of the Jewish community. Do you think your boss would be receptive to your request if you didn't get around to completing the work he assigned you, although he had told you about the deadline? Do you think the mayor would be amenable to your request if you had just made the headlines for being caught doing something illegal?
to be continued
Sep 29, 2014
"180 Rechov Yaffo"
R' Cohen, the father of 19 children, personifies simcha and bitachon and has incredible siyata dishmaya. The stories told about his ruach ha'kodesh and advice are remarkable. He is not a rebbe but people (including women) line up twice a week, when he has visiting hours, to speak to him and receive brachos and advice. There is no charge. The title of the book is the address of his office. He is very warm and strikes up friendships with all kinds of people.
Sep 28, 2014
Me Too!
A guest of ours related the following story. She was close to Rebbetzin Bessie Scheinberg (daughter of Mr. Herman of "All for the Boss" fame, and wife of R' Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg, Torah Ohr, of the many pairs of tzitzis).
One day, a woman and her daughter came into the wig establishment where she worked. Our guest was inspired by the Lubavitcher Rebbe's call to women and girls to light Shabbos candles and she brought this up. The frum woman made it clear she was not interested and did so in a less than polite manner. Rebbetzin Scheinberg, who was there to have her wig done, interjected:
When my sisters and I were growing up, my father had us light a candle for Shabbos!
Sep 27, 2014
"Who will Live and Who will Die"
As I perused the headlines one day last week, I saw the following news items:
Woman killed by bee stings.
Man killed by bear.
Woman died after being hit by a cyclist.
Bee, Bear, Bike. Bizarre deaths.
All decreed a year ago on Rosh Hashana.
I've read and heard the following suggestion. Make a list of all the positive and negative things that happened last year that had an impact on you. It should include personal events in your life as well as national and global events. Then ponder the idea that all these events were decreed a year ago on Rosh Hashana.
Now, during the Aseres Yimei Teshuva, we have a unique opportunity to affect the course of history for the coming year. Carpe diem.
Woman killed by bee stings.
Man killed by bear.
Woman died after being hit by a cyclist.
Bee, Bear, Bike. Bizarre deaths.
All decreed a year ago on Rosh Hashana.
I've read and heard the following suggestion. Make a list of all the positive and negative things that happened last year that had an impact on you. It should include personal events in your life as well as national and global events. Then ponder the idea that all these events were decreed a year ago on Rosh Hashana.
Now, during the Aseres Yimei Teshuva, we have a unique opportunity to affect the course of history for the coming year. Carpe diem.
Sep 21, 2014
Don't Limit Him
In a pre-Rosh Hashana call to someone, I made reference to the idea that although I daven for certain things, Hashem knows better than me what to give me. I have limited ideas and if I limit my prayers to just those items, I will be shortchanging myself.
The person agreed and responded with two stories. In the first story, a young man began coughing and when he had it checked out, was told the devastating news that there was a mass on his lungs. They could not even biopsy it because of the fear that this would cause cancer cells to spread.
He went in for surgery and before long, the doctor came out beaming. He said, you'll never believe this. There is a gland called the thymus gland which is right underneath the breastbone. At the onset of puberty it begins shrinking. For some reason, in this 25 year old man it had not shrunk and that was the mass that they saw. No threat to life whatsoever.
In the second story, a mammogram showed a lump. Another mammogram was ordered. It still looked problematic. There is the prayer that it be benign.
Another test was ordered, a rather uncomfortable one. As it was being done, the technician or doctor seemed to be experiencing difficulties. What's the problem? Well, there is no lump there at all.
So we daven for surgery to go well instead of praying for no surgery; we daven that the lump be benign instead of no lump; we have kleine kep and we circumscribe G-d in a tiny box and ask for petty results. G-d has no restrictions; let's not project our restrictions on Him.
The person agreed and responded with two stories. In the first story, a young man began coughing and when he had it checked out, was told the devastating news that there was a mass on his lungs. They could not even biopsy it because of the fear that this would cause cancer cells to spread.
He went in for surgery and before long, the doctor came out beaming. He said, you'll never believe this. There is a gland called the thymus gland which is right underneath the breastbone. At the onset of puberty it begins shrinking. For some reason, in this 25 year old man it had not shrunk and that was the mass that they saw. No threat to life whatsoever.
In the second story, a mammogram showed a lump. Another mammogram was ordered. It still looked problematic. There is the prayer that it be benign.
Another test was ordered, a rather uncomfortable one. As it was being done, the technician or doctor seemed to be experiencing difficulties. What's the problem? Well, there is no lump there at all.
So we daven for surgery to go well instead of praying for no surgery; we daven that the lump be benign instead of no lump; we have kleine kep and we circumscribe G-d in a tiny box and ask for petty results. G-d has no restrictions; let's not project our restrictions on Him.
Sep 20, 2014
Who are You Really?
Then he was mechazek people after the war. There was one bachur who dropped Yiddishkeit but R' Godel did not say a word to him about his behavior. This bachur had a 'pass' and this was regarded with much astonishment.
Half a year after the war, he told R' Godel that he's getting married. To who? A goyta. R' Godel thought for a moment and said a goyta? I don't think it posses (suits) a chassidishe bachur.
Who me, a Chassidishe bachur, the fellow asked?
Said R' Godel, of course you're a chassidishe bachur! The war affected all of us, and some are quicker and some slower [to come back to Yiddishkeit]. I, for example, am quick, and right after the war I went to mincha. Remember Yankel? He came back the first Shabbos. Others took a few months.
The bachur burst out crying and asked for a Chassidishe hat.
What a brilliant mashgiach!
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