How Are We Different 3

As a follow-up to previous posts on the topic of "Mi K'Amcha Yisrael"

here and here

I read (Mishpacha magazine) that a Cleveland benefactor came up with a fantastic chesed idea for families traveling on the afternoon and evening of bedikas chometz, when their car is chometz-free and everyone is hungry.  He, together with others, picked a location between Lakewood and Cleveland on the side of the highway and set up a huge roadside barbeque where travelers going in either direction could stop for a hot meal.

There was no cost for the meals; rather, donations were made to Cleveland's Matan B'Sayser fund.  This year, there was also a food stop located on the route between Toronto and Detroit.

The news item says 1100 people enjoyed hot meals between 1 and 10 pm, there were minyanim for mincha and then maariv, and when rain threatened, two bachurim hurried to the nearest Walmart and bought tents.

Quite impressive!

Feeling Content

A 9th grade class of frum girls was asked to complete the sentence: "I am happy when ..."

Here are some of the answers:

I am not worried about anything.
I am in the company of people I enjoy.
I find something that was missing.
I do a job well.
I overcome a challenge.
I am able to help someone.
I do something satisfyingly creative.
I do something meaningful.

What is the difference between happiness and contentment? One writer (B Myndi) posits that happiness is a single state of pleasure, a momentary feeling which is dependent on externals.  An example would be, getting a phone call with exciting mazal tov news or finding just the thing we need when shopping or getting a compliment.  The joy wears off after a while

While contentment is a long-term state of being that comes from our attitudes and values, not from something outside of us.  It's about acceptance and finding the good in what exists right now.  Babies are great at this.

R' Zushe of Anipoli said you can learn three things from a baby:

 1) always be busy

2) when you need something, cry out for it

3) when your needs are satisfied, be content 

As a Zechus

In an article about challa baking, one woman who was interviewed said she started making challa when her son was sick. She wanted to bake challa as a zechus for his refuah shleima.  Sadly, her son passed away but she felt that the mitzvah of challa had to be taught and she began giving classes.

Later in the article, in a sidebar, it describes gemachs for challa.  They are variations  on the idea of women being given names to daven for when they make challa.  The woman I referred to above is quoted as saying that when her son was sick, women gathered in groups of 40 to take challa as a zechus.  She has set up a hotline to continue this idea, in which women call for names to daven for.

It struck me, and the article makes no mention of this, that being asked to daven for a sick person while taking challa, by someone who did just that for her son, and her son died, is not very inspirational.  I thought better of writing this to the publication since it's tragic and I don't want to hurt anyone. 

I know that we don't always see the results that we wanted, and that the Gemara talks about giving tzedaka "so that my son lives" and that it doesn't always result in good news.  But somehow this strikes me differently.  Maybe because it's not brought in the Gemara.  Some other reason?

related posts: here

Just Say No

Overheard today:

A mother says to her little boy, about 4 years old, "Your behavior was unacceptable ... right?"

Sigh.

It's like the parent who says, "Come inside for supper, okay?"

You want the child's approval? agreement?

Then I came across this, by Rabbi Avrohom Birnbaum:

"It happened in a seforim store.  A prominent cheder menahel was browsing the aisles when a young man timidly approached.

"Rabbi K," he ventured.  "Would it be possible to ask you a question.

"Certainly," Rabbi K replied.
   

“My five-year-old son over there wants me to buy him a pair of those fake tefillin,” said the man. “I am not sure if having ‘play tefillin’ sends a good chinuch message. Somehow, I feel that to a child, tefillin should be a hallowed mitzvah that he will merit to fulfill when he becomes bar mitzvah and not used as a toy.”

 

Rabbi K. thought about it and agreed with the father.

 

“Okay. Thanks so much!” the father said, promptly returning to his son.

 

A few minutes later, Rabbi K. again heard someone behind him.

 

“Rabbi K., can I ask you another question?”

 

It was the same father.

 

“Sure,” Rabbi K. answered.

 

“My son really wants the tefillin. What should I tell him?” asked the father.

 

Rabbi K., looking directly at the father, said, “Tell him, ‘No.’”

 

The father looked at Rabbi K. startled. Then, as if a light bulb had gone off in his head, he responded, “Ohhh.” And he walked away."

Natural Disasters and Our Response

In 1923, Japan experienced a devastating earthquake.  In addition, or as a result of the earthquake, there were a typhoon, landslides and a tsunami.  Altogether, the earthquake and typhoon killed an estimated 99,300 people, and another 43,500 were missing.

Japanese commentators interpreted the disaster as an act of divine punishment to admonish the Japanese people for their self-centered, immoral, and extravagant lifestyles.

R' Chatzkel Levenstein recalled the Chofetz Chaim’s comments at the time of an earthquake in Japan, which resulted in thousands of deaths. “I remember that he said it had happened because there were no Torah scholars in Japan.” (Or Yechezkel, Middos)

Two years later, when a powerful earthquake hit Russia, destroying entire cities and causing many fatalities, the Chofetz Chaim wrote a powerful letter about it.

"Several weeks ago I publicized an essay concerning the great earthquake that happened in our land. In that essay I encouraged Klal Yisrael to do teshuva and that the earthquake was a warning to the entire world that they should repent of their evil ways and believe in Hashem Who controls all. Not for naught did all these terrifying and frightening things of this year come upon us. And now, we hear new and terrifying information about the great flood that took place in our land and the great earthquake that took place in Russia in which were killed and injured thousands of men, women and children and many livestock; many of them were buried alive. Even in our land we experienced some tremors of this earthquake. Certainly any thinking person should be gripped by fear and trembling as to what Hashem has done to us. The One who is good and does good to all and is merciful on all of His creations, and does not even desire the death of the wicked, as it says 'By My life, says Hashem, I do not desire the death of the wicked one, but rather that he repent and live'(Yechezkel 33).The understanding person will realize that Hashem is urging us to do teshuva and is showing us all that He has the power to as He pleases, and none of His creations of above or below can tell Him what to do. And it is clear to me that if we had prophets sent from Hashem, they would without doubt be standing guard to urge Jews to do teshuva to our Father in heaven. Because, with our evil deeds we have no prophets or divine messengers in our times, He is urging us through other messengers to do teshuva, as it says 'He makes winds-his messengers; burning fire-his servants."'

Shabbos versus Theft

I heard a lecture in which Yossi Mizrachi asks why Madoff became a headline for fraud when stealing, in the halachic hierarchy, is a far lesser sin than chilul Shabbos.  For chilul Shabbos you are chayav missa (deserve the death penalty)!

Well, of course, as far as secular headlines go, secular media are not interested in chilul Shabbos.  Not to steal, on the other hand, is one of the Seven Noahide Laws which everyone is obligated to observe. 

There is also the fact that chilul Shabbos doesn't hurt others while stealing does.

Nevertheless, it was intriguing to hear R' Mizrachi pose the question.  We recoil when someone Jewish is caught stealing but we don't recoil when we hear of Jews who don't keep Shabbos, even when they are our own relatives or neighbors. 

Theft is also a most serious sin since, as it says in many machzorim before the Neila prayer, if a person has stolen anything he had better resolve to take care of it immediately after Yom Kippur.  It does not say shemiras Shabbos or kashrus or Talmud Torah, but gezel.

And of course, not stealing is in the category of mishpatim, rational mitzvos that any just society upholds, while the myriad laws of Shabbos are not obviously logical.

Anniversary of Previous Shul Attack

On April 11, 1956, Rosh Chodesh Iyar, fedayeen terrorists entered a shul in Kfar Chabad during maariv and started shooting. Five children and one teacher were murdered, another ten injured. 

I don't recall reading any mention of it after the Har Nof shul massacre.  Articles following the recent shul slaughter made it sound like the terrorist attack in the Har Nof shul was a new outrage, in that people praying in a house of worship had been attacked, when it had been done before.  Here is a link to the tragedy of 1956: here

Sad Subway Scene

There was a chubby, frum lady lady on the subway with a chubby child, maybe 15 months old, in a stroller.  The child was eating potato chips while mommy was busy with her phone.  Some time later, the child's greasy hands were grasping a small chocolate bar.

Oy.

Food was used to occupy the child, keep her quiet, uncomplaining, not bothering anyone including mommy.  Sad.

Sad because the mother doesn't know how to regard food properly and sad because she is teaching her baby bad habits that will stick with the child forever, most likely.  It's sad to watch it happening.

Attitude Toward Chol Ha'Moed

Rabbi Bergstein (a Bobover Chassid who  lectures for Aish HaTorah, Discovery, Gateway and other organizations) points out:

If the Chol Ha'Moed trip is more exciting than the Pesach seder or sitting in the succa, it's a problem!

Speaking of chol ha'mo'ed and trips, many people are unaware that chol ha'moed must be treated as the holy time it is.  Yes, we can use the phone, our computers, and cars, but bigdei Yom Tov are a must.  If you can't wear bigdei Yom Tov while playing paintball, then ... paintball is not a chol ha'moed activity.  If you can't wear bigdei Yom Tov while riding the roller coaster or boating or skating, then those aren't chol ha'moed activities.

Auspicious Times for Tefilla

There are various times during the Seder that are auspicious for tefilla:

1) Right before the Ma Nishtana, it says in the Haggada, "v'kan ha'ben sho'el" - and here, the child asks.  Or read it, "At this moment, the child - you, asks - requests.

2) After reciting how terrible it was in servitude to the Egyptians, the Haggada says, "Va'nitz'ak el Hashem ..." - and we cried out to Hashem. 

3) "Shefoch chamascha el ha'goyim ... " - Pour Your wrath on the nations ...
The Chida says that when we open the door it's an auspicious moment which reenacts the scene of Yaakov receiving the blessings from Yitzchok.  It's a time when we can receive blessings too.

4) The Chasam Sofer says, "Each person will see, after reciting the Haggada, how his speech will become clear, and he can request in his prayers whatever he desires.

Narrow Focus or Broad when it comes to Kashrus

In a panel Q and A session, the question was asked: Why is a hechsher given to unhealthy food? Meaning, if we are supposed to take care of our health (and that's a mitzvah) why would a kosher stamp of approval be given to products that are unhealthy just because the ingredients are kosher?

The response didn't answer the question; rather it was about a person having the choice of what to eat and making good choices.

So what is the answer? Is it that it's not the hechsher's function to make decisions about the nutritional content of food and if a company seeks certification and complies with requirements, the hechsher can provide the certification? That was basically the answer that was given, though the emphasis was not on what a certifying agency's function is.

But is that proper? If the item in question is marketed to children, some kind of candy which consists solely of sugar, food coloring and chemicals, should there be a hechsher on it?

This question has come up in the past in connection with certifying restaurants that have objectionable entertainment.  It's not a simple question.  By giving the hechsher to the food, is the hechsher also sanctioning the entertainment? On the one hand, of course not, a hechsher is just on food, but by certifying the food as kosher, people who might otherwise not partake of unsuitable entertainment would not be there.  On the other hand, those who go there will eat kosher, and they might not otherwise do so. 

Warning - Danger!

I was given a booklet with excerpts from the lectures of Rabbi Shaul Yitzchak Rabinowitz of Satmar.  The booklet is in Yiddish with English translation.

The gist of his message is, treif phones - which are phones that enable you to do anything but make and receive calls - are a danger for the Jewish family.  And they are dangerous even if you don't own it but people in your circles own them.  The fact that other people in your community own them, and that your children's classmates either have these phones or their parents do, means exposure to danger.

Even if a person does everything right and has a filter and it's used only for business, experience has shown that that it is impossible to control the people around you.  Children are drawn to these phones, even if they only have the ability to text, and all the more so if they enable images. 

Parents might think it's nice to show their children Lag B'Omer at Meron on their phone or other innocuous or even wonderful things.  What the booklet says is this teaches children that nowadays, the prohibition against viewing images is no longer in force.  Your children will likely be less careful than you are.  (Perhaps these are the people seen in the public libraries looking like ultra-Orthodox Jews and checking out CD's of movies and TV shows).

He claims 30% of children own treif phones and are going downhill and taking others down with them.  He says that even for business purposes it's not worthwhile to have these phones because the benefits of the phone cannot compensate for the damage it causes.

He sounds very serious and is raising the alarm about how our children are being ruined while many other frum Jews who are serious about chinuch are focused more on filters and safeguards like Web Chaver.  It's certainly something to think about.

What Message Do You Want to Convey?

I came across this question: What message should our children or guests or ourselves leave the seder with?

That's a good one to ponder before Pesach.  The one that stands out for me is Hashem's involvement in the world, Hashem caring about what people do as we see with the deeds of both the Egyptians and the Jewish people.

Avi Shulman asked this question to R' Noach Orlowek and R' Avraham Fishman and both said the same thing: We should want our children to leave the seder feeling proud, joyous and privileged to be members of Klal Yisrael.

Mr. Shulman goes on to say that this should be the objective of every teacher and parent all year round, but it is highlighted Pesach night when there is the mitzvah of "v'higadita l'bincha."

Connections to Fire

For those looking for areas to focus on that relate directly to fire, here are some ideas:

Yechiel Spero points out, fire and Shabbos are connected in several places in the Torah. We welcome Shabbos with Shabbos candles. We conclude Shabbos with the Havdalah candle.  And the only melacha of the 39 that is mentioned in the Torah is, “Lo sevaaru aish bechol moshvoseichem b'yom ha'Shabbos - You shall not kindle fire in any of your dwellings on the Shabbos day” (Shemos 35:3).

Torah is compared to fire.

Anger is compared to fire.
And, in My jealousy, in the fire of My anger, I have spoken ... "(Yechezkel 38:18-20)

Machlokes is compared to fire.

The Bais Hamikdash was destroyed by fire and will be rebuilt with fire.

And Hashem is like an eish ochla - a consuming flame.

We Forget

 

“Who ever heard of such a thing? It is like one family’s Holocaust!” Indeed, one would be hard-pressed to find a calamity of such proportion in recent memory.

 

This is from an article in a frum newspaper.  My, how quickly we forget!

 

An even worse calamity than the Sassoons' took place on March 26, 2012, almost exactly two years before the Sassoon fire, when a freak electrical fire burned down the home of 34-year-old high-school teacher Avivit Shear of Rechovot, killing all 6 of her family members: husband Shai (36), Eliav (11), Evyatar (8), Amitai (7), Shira (3), and Itamar (2), leaving the wife-mother as the sole survivor. 

 

The investigation that followed found that a laptop computer had been placed on a bed's mattress, causing it to overheat and set the mattress on fire.  The burning mattress emitted great heat and a large amount of smoke and soot in a short time.

 

In the picture are some of her children. 

 

Two years later, she remarried.