Follow-up post about Judging

Previously, I wrote (see here) about the tension between the injunction to judge others favorably while not fudging on what's right and wrong and rebuking others when the halacha says to do so.  Note - When it says in Pirkei Avos to judge others favorably it is telling us: Yes, judge them! How? Favorably.

I am astonished and amused time and again when in conversation, someone piously repeats the popular mantra of our times, "I'm not judging anyone ..." while proceeding to do just that! See for yourself.  The next time someone tells you, "Far be it for me to judge," or "Who am I to judge?" see if they actually do judge nevertheless. 

I don't think it's because they mean to be hypocritical, espousing a standard but not living up to it.  I think it's because they are mindlessly repeating a line without acknowledging that our human intellect is constantly observing and sorting the information it takes in.  It is dishonest (and they don't seem to realize it) to eschew judging when our critical faculties judge as automatically as we breathe and quite silly to disdain judging while judging! Aren't they judging others negatively when they say, "You are being judgmental"? They might say, no, I am simply observing that you are judging, but where does that get us ... Anybody can claim they were just making an observation and not, G-d forbid, judging anyone.

Bottom line:

The human condition is that we are discerning and this is good as it says, "Im ein daas, havdala minayin?" (If there is no daas-understanding, how can you differentiate between things?). 

Actions can and should be judged as right or wrong, according to halacha.

There are times to judge favorably, times we can be neutral, times to judge negatively (see previous post on the subject).  There are times to rebuke others.

As for the statement, "Do not judge your fellow until you reach his place," that means we can never fully understand another person since they grew up differently than us (even within the same family) and were given a unique set of genes, drives, Yetzer Hara, understanding and circumstances and therefore we cannot come to conclusions about their motivations.   Hashem can.

Most Often Repeated Stories

Here is my list of most often repeated Jewish stories (post Gemara era) told in books and lectures.  If you have additional suggestions, please let me know!

1) R’ Aryeh Levine and his wife at the doctor: “Our foot hurts us.”

2) R’ S.Z. Auerbach at wife’s funeral, nothing to ask mechila for

3) R’ Zushe – they won’t ask me why I wasn’t like Moshe Rabeinu

4) Told about the Maggid of Mezritch and the Chofetz Chaim – “Where is your furniture?”

5) Maggid sends poor man to R’ Zushe to find out how to deal with troubles. R’ Zushe said, “I don't know why he sent you to me. I haven't had troubles in my life."

6) In the time of the Baal Shem Tov a community was threatened with severe Divine punishment. Aware of this, the Baal Shem Tov davened unusually long that Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. A Jewish shepherd boy, illiterate, expert at imitating animal sounds and seeing the excitement in the shul and the hearing the weeping loudly cried out, “Cock-a-doodle-do, Hashem have rachmanus!” The Baal Shem Tov later said that it was this boy’s sincere prayer that cancelled the heavenly decree.

7) Wife of R’ Michel of Zlotchov smashes his esrog's pitem, upset that he sold the precious tefillin, he keeps quiet, he lost the esrog, should he also lose his shalom bayis?

8) R’ Yisrael Salanter – learns lesson from the shoemaker: “As long as the candle burns, it is still possible to repair”

9) R’ Akiva Eiger, man spills wine at the seder, R’ Akiva shakes the table to spill wine too and says the table seems to be shaky

10) Man who escorts R’ S.Z. Auerbach home notices him straightening his clothes at the entrance to the house and asks whether he is expecting an important guest. He says yes, the Shechina. When husband and wife live together in peace, the Shechina dwells there.

11) Man complains to the Steipler that his wife is disorganized erev Shabbos. The Steipler yelled, “Nem a bezzem” – take a broom! Help her out!

12) R’ Moshe – ink spills over his new Gemara and rather than be upset he says it looks better that way

13) R’ Moshe – someone who drove him accidentally slammed the door on his fingers but he didn’t utter a sound. Later, those who observed it asked him why he restrained himself and R’ Moshe said, he was kind enough to drive me. Did I have to make him feel bad?

14) The Chofetz Chaim once testified in a Polish court as a character witness on behalf of a student who was accused of a crime. After he did so, the student’s lawyer told the judge, “I would like to tell the court the greatness of this rabbi. A thief once stole something from him and he pursued him shouting, “I forgive you! It’s yours!” so that the thief wouldn’t be guilt of sinning because of him. Skeptical, the judge said, “You believe that?” Said the lawyer, “I didn’t personally witness it but people aren’t relating these stories about you and me!”

15) The Satmar Rebbe gives a tzedaka donation to someone who asks for one and afterwards is told the man is a phony to which he says, “Boruch Hashem, I’m glad to hear he’s not in need.

16) R’ Aharon Kotler would say to use the manned toll booth because it’s not kavod ha’briyos to pass up a man for a machine

17) Story about nasty neighbor in Yerushalayim who cut down the woman’s laundry and yet she kept quiet. The nasty neighbor’s child became sick and she came running to her to ask for forgiveness. The woman forgave her and she merited giving birth to a special child who grew up to be a tzaddik. (Story erroneously attributed to the mother of R’ Elyashiv but he was born in Europe and came to Israel when he was 12)

Language and Us

 He was a typical macho Israeli who did not even want to sit down next to a religious man, he so despised what he stood for.  Nevertheless, when he eventually sat down and began speaking in Yiddish, to the astonishment of the rabbi, his persona was transformed.  When asked how he knew Yiddish, the Israeli said, "Ich shtam fun Vizhnitz" (I originate in Vizhnitz) - a Chassidic town in the Ukraine. 

I found the idea fascinating, that the language we speak has an effect on our demeanor.  Does the melodic tone or harshness of our primary language shape our outlook? Or perhaps it is because Yiddish speaking people have been closely associated with religious observance that by reverting to Yiddish, the man was also slipping into a more traditional mindset ...

As for Yiddish in our schools where the children don't speak Yiddish at home, I am familiar with the arguments against it and they are reasonable and yet, I think it's such a pity that so many of today's children are deprived of it.  Children are adept at learning new languages, the younger they are the easier it is.  If they had Yiddish immersion at a young age, the arguments about the burden of another language the children don't otherwise use would fall away for it wouldn't be a burden. 

I am seeing the products of the no-Yiddish approach and it seems to me that they are lacking in a way that maybe I cannot express in words.  A language goes along with a culture and mentality and otherwise fine and frum children are missing out because their Yiddish expressions are limited to "nebach" and "gezuntheit" and they cannot follow a Yom Tov Ehrlich song.  These songs and the Yiddish language are saturated with gefil that does not carry over in translation.

The solution: Go beyond Yinglish (yeshivish-English like geshmak and gevaldig sprinkled in English language sentences) and learn Yiddish!

Not So Beautiful

I have enjoyed Hanoch Teller's books in the past but his new book, written after a ten year hiatus, has me disappointed with the very first story.

Why was this story told with pseudonyms when the story was written up years ago with the real names of the people involved?

1) He says the woman was blind from birth when she became blind in her 40's.

2) In his rendition, the woman knew she would be able to see if she could be operated on when in reality, the woman had been told her blindness was genetic and nothing could be done.  A remote possibility that laser surgery could help her was something she planned on exploring.

3) He has the heroine of the story attending a Bais Yaakov school when she actually attended Beis Rifka.  Why not give the girl and her community the credit due them?

4) In his rendition, the idea of seeing an eye doctor is that of the young girl when what really happened was this was a response of the Lubavitcher Rebbe.  Why not give the proper credit?

5) He has them dropping out of the blue on the the local ophthamologist when in reality, they got a recommendation to a specialist.

6) He says the young girl's mother dreaded confronting the doctor about the cost of the surgery when in reality the doctor waived the fee (beyond what the government would cover) immediately.

7) The newly sighted woman made a Seudas Hoda'a to thank the community of Crown Heights who stood by her.  In Teller's inaccurate recounting of the story the many people who played a part in helping out are set aside.

R' Paysach Krohn is to be commended for verifying the details of the stories he tells.  Unfortunately, Teller and another popular story writer don't bother.  They hear a story or read a story and write it as they please, with embellishments and no interest in verifying it for accuracy.

When the talmidim of R' Dov Ber, the Maggid of Mezritch, delivered a Torah discourse, they viewed it as the Oral Law and when they heard a story from him, this was considered the Written Torah.

In the Written Torah, every detail matters.

That's A Madreiga ...

It often happens that someone tells an inspiring story or concept and the reaction from the listeners is, "That's a madreiga (spiritual level)," meaning - that's beyond us, that's reserved for great people.

But is this so or is it a cop-out? Is it a genuine protest that this is just not for us, or is it a defense mechanism in which something special - an outlook or an action - is dismissed so we are not obligated to do the same?

Here is how I understand when something is actually a madreiga: Someone is inspired by a story about a doctor who saved a life and decide they want to emulate him.  Can they start practicing medicine then and there? Of course not! They have to go to college, medical school, do an internship, residency ... There are steps (madreigos) needed to achieve the goal.

True, often the inspiring stories and ideas that we hear and read are about extraordinary people who did work step by step in their avodas Hashem, in their davening, on their middos, over the course of many years and consequently achieved great things.  But when we hear these stories we can still think about what we can take from the story, what we can emulate in our less rarified lives.  And today, with the numerous books and magazines and online stories about all sorts of people doing special things, not just tzaddikim and great rebbetzins, we can't really fall back on the ol' madreiga excuse, can we ...

Talk About Miscommunication!

In the excellent book "Nine out of Ten" (Israel Bookshop) p. 116 the author says he grew up with the misconception that his mother did not love him.  She would look at him and repeat a little Hungarian saying to herself which said, "You are as good as you look" or "Your goodness is reflected in your face."  Since he, a child, did not think he was good looking, he assumed others felt the same way and therefore, his mother's saying that his goodness reflected his appearance wasn't a compliment.  Each time she said it, it hurt him.

As all children yearn for their parents' approval, he worked on getting his mother to love him by buying her gifts and in other ways showing his devotion to  her but his feeling unappreciated stayed with him for decades.  About fifty years after the war, in which his mother was murdered, was over, he went over to his sister at a wedding to wish her mazal tov and she introduced him to a woman sitting next to her as "the best Katz in the family" and added, "My mother positively adored him."

The author was shocked at this statement and protested - but she always said that proverb about goodness being reflected in the face and you know that my face was never anything to write home about! The lady sitting next to his sister, who understood the Hungarian saying, insisted that those words were a tremendous compliment.  "They are the nicest words a child can hear," she said. 

This enabled him to think that perhaps his mother had really liked him and had really meant what she said.

Some time later he had occasion to meet the Hungarian ambassador to the United States.  He decided he would take the opportunity to clarify, once and for all, the meaning of the words his mother constantly said to him.  He wrote the proverb down in Hungarian and asked the ambassador to translate it for him.  The ambassador said, "This saying is the nicest, warmest thing a parent can say to a child."  He unburdened himself to the man and said how he always thought his mother didn't like him and how much he had suffered because of it.  The ambassador said, "You can rest assured that your mother loved you more than any of your brothers and sisters, and the proof is that she said this to you often."

Is this not extraordinary? A mother expresses her deep love for her child and the child, rather than basking in her love, feels hurt and unappreciated! How many times do we misunderstand what people are saying to us? What feelings do we have towards people that are based on a completely erroneous understanding of what they said to us? Let us pray that it does not take us decades to appreciate the truly warm feelings people have for us.

Do You Want to Become a Truck Driver?

A woman wrote a letter to Hamodia magazine complaining about an article in which a rebbi, wanting to spur on his class to learn, rhetorically asked them, "Do you want to become truck drivers?"

The woman's husband is a truck driver and so of course she took offense at her husband's source of livelihood being regarded derogatorily and used as a negative example of what would become of the children if they didn't shteig in learning.  What would a child of a truck driver feel if he was in that teacher's class? She went on to say that her husband earned an honest living and used his truck to do chesed too.

Yaakov, upon fleeing from Esav, put a circle of rocks around his head.  The question is asked, if he was afraid and wanted to protect himself, what about the rest of his body? If he relied on Hashem, then why surround his head and if he did not want to rely on supernatural intervention, then he should have protected his entire body!

The pasuk in Tehillim 128:2 says, "yigi'a kapecha ki sochel ..." - when you eat the labor of your hands, you will be happy and it shall be well with you.  You can earn a living in one of two ways, by doing manual labor which leaves your head free to be involved with Torah or by using your head so that you are completely involved in earning a living.  The pasuk is telling us that when you work with your hands, leaving your head for other things, it will be good for you both spiritually and materially.

When Yaakov left for Charan he knew that he would have to deal with the crooked Lavan and there were "wild animals" to contend with even before he got there.  So he put stones around his head to demonstrate that his mind is off-limits.  The head must be protected.

Jews take great pride, and rightfully so, in our intellectual accomplishments.  We are represented in fields of intellectual endeavor in numbers that way exceed our actual physical numbers.  For many of us, white collar jobs are the goal to strive for and not only because many of them provide good salaries but because as intellectual people, it is beneath us to work with our hands. 

This is a modern day phenomenon since there were numerous Ashkenazic Jews in Europe who worked with their hands for a living being tailors and shoemakers and numerous Sefardic Jews who worked as silversmiths and in other crafts.  We have stories of how some recited Mishnayos or Tehillim as they worked.

And yet, try presenting a shidduch idea of a man who is a plumber or electrician or in construction as compared to someone who is an accountant, lawyer or architect ...  Perhaps we need to rethink our priorities.

Because we aren't human!

A judge in Georgia, asked his Partner in Torah whether he was a rabbi.  He said he wasn't a rabbi; he was a businessman and the judge was disappointed since he had a question that nobody was able to answer to his satisfaction. 

What was his question?

He had marched for civil rights in Selma and he firmly believed that all humans are created equal, so why does the Torah say Jews are the Chosen People?

Hashem helped him formulate an answer which pleased the judge which went something like this.  He said Jews are 0.2% of the world population and yet, Jews have received 22% of Nobel Prizes.  When Time magazine was considering who to put on the cover as Man of the Century, they were undecided between Karl Marx, Freud, and Einstein, all Jewish (they picked Einstein).  Why are we consistently superior in ways that greatly surpass our numbers? Because we are G-d's ambassadors to the world and have a mission to carry out and a message to convey.

That's a fine answer but I heard an even better one.  Yes, all humans are created equal but Jews aren't human! We are neshamos, a veritable part of G-d Above, and we are here on earth in the guise of humans.  We look like everyone else but are hated because we are not truly like everyone else; we are alien beings - neshamos.  Hashem sent down angels in the form of humans (see Bereishis) and that did not work out well.  Neshamos, sent down in the form of humans, works. 

This idea is discussed by Maharal.  There are the four levels within the Beria (creation): inanimate, plant life, animals, and humans, and Yisrael is a separate, higher category which is part of the Borei (the Creator).  As a convert friend of mine told me, non-Jews are often fine with this idea.  They get annoyed when Jews try to act like them.  It's very often Jews who squirm at the idea of being Chosen.

Rabbi YY Rubinstein tells of a lecture he gave for Gateways in which he asked the audience what makes Jews special.  He got hostile responses from "I don't think Jews are special" to "That's racist!" to people walking out.  At a later point in his lecture he asked the audience where they thought someone granted a green card to any country on earth would pick and they enthusiastically responded America! When asked why, they offered many reasons: the economy, the education system, the can-do attitude, etc.

R' Rubinstein then pointed out to them how ironic it was that when it came to extolling America as the best country to live in, they had no problem doing that but when it came to extolling being Jewish, they rejected their Jewishness as anything special. 

Time to relearn the song, "I'm a Jew and I'm proud and I sing it out loud, forever that's what I'll be.  I'm a Jew and I'm proud and I sing it out loud and I know Hashem is watching over me."

Pill in His Coffee

What a great story I heard.  A rebbi told a father that he could not handle his son, he was impossible.  The father said, but he sits nicely at home ... The rebbi wasn't interested, it was either get him Ritalin or he's out of the school.  The father said he couldn't afford it and the rebbi said raise the money.  The father, seeing he had no choice, said there's one more problem.  My wife and I leave early in the morning and we won't be able to ensure he gets the medication at the same time every morning.  The rebbi said that's no problem, I'll take care of it.  I'll send him to the teachers' room to make me a coffee and to take his medicine.

Two months go by and the child is doing beautifully.  One day, the father asks his son how things are going at school.  The child said, terrific! Better than ever.

The father asks, is there anything you can attribute this to? The son says, I don't know but the only thing that is different is that every day, after davening, rebbi asks me to make him a coffee and to take this pill, so every day I make him coffee and put the pill in. 

The question asked of R' Yitzchok Zilberstein was - does the teacher have to reimburse the father for the medication!

Should we laugh or cry?

How many parents are coerced into drugging their children in order to placate school staff? What a crime!

Intellect versus Emotion in the Courtroom

I heard a speech given by a lawyer who used to be a prosecutor and is now a defense attorney.  He said  that as a prosecutor you try to get the jury mad, to speak to their emotions, so they hopefully forget the actual laws involved.

This was said with no shame.  He was simply sharing how lawyers work and telling us that rather than focus on Truth and encouraging the jurors to concentratrate on the information being presented, they play on the court's emotions.  As the Zohar says, this is an alma d'shikra ( world of lies).

I'm Boooooored ...

Why, oh why, do parents teach their children to be bored? You know ... the parents who repeatedly take their children's "boredem temperature," by assuming that boredom is a natural and frequent state of being for infants on-up, and talk often about boredom and encourage their children to be bored:

(saying about an infant/toddler ) "The baby is bored."

(asking a child) "Are you bored?"

(assuming) "He/she is doing that because he/she is bored."

(reinforcing) "So what will you do later so you won't be bored?"

(overheard by child) "Yes, please come over; otherwise the kids will be bored."

How is it possible, when a child has a friend over to play (presumably to ward off boredom) that they can approach the parent for guidance as to "what they should do next" and they can't play endlessly by themselves? This is possible when the parent has instilled a boredom mentality in the home so that the child has been programmed to say, "We played X and we did Y, so what should we do nooooow?"

Have you seen people wheeling a carriage with a toy attached to it? As though the world is "old hat" to the toddler and therefore he needs a toy to occupy him and prevent boredom.  How silly!

Is there a concept of "boredom" in Torah? Is there room for boredom in Jewish life when we are meant to account for every second of our time? Although children are not yet obligated in mitzvos, are we not doing them a great disservice by even mentioning the possibility of having time on one's hands with nothing to fill it as this goes to counter to avodas Hashem? How can a servant of Hashem be bored when Hashem's service ought to fill his life completely?

I suggest not using the word "bored" at all with children.  One day, they might come home from a playdate or from school and say, "What does 'bored' mean?" having heard another child use it.  And what if the parent responds, "It means they don't know what to do next - isn't that funny?"

How can parents who provide their children with books and toys and games and crayons and crafts even entertain the question of "I'm bored, what should I do?"

Another suggestion: Have your child(ren) make a list of all the possible activities they can do.  The list can be divided into Shabbos and weekday activities, activities they can do by themselves and with others, indoor and outdoor activities.  The list needs to be revised as they grow - the list for 4 year olds is not the same as the list for a 6, 8 or 10 year old. 

And you can introduce the idea by saying, "Let's make a list of all the things you can do so that when you want to do something, you can look at the list and be reminded of all the possibilities."  Then, if the child asks you what they should do, you can say, "Let's take a look at your list of activities and you can pick something."

If a child is taught how precious the tefillos of children are, and how precious the words of Tehillim are, they can be reminded that anytime they want to do something worthwhile, they can say some Tehillim. 

If a child is given story tapes to listen to and books to read, they will have good material to think about.  A child with a rich intellectual life has been given a gift! What did Scharansky do for years in jail? He spent a lot of time playing chess in his mind, against himself, when in solitary confinement!

R' Zushe of Anipoli said you can learn three things from a baby:

1) always be busy

2) when you need something, cry out for it

3) when your needs are satisfied, be happy

If you see a baby (and I daresay a toddler and school aged child) that is not busy and happy, something is amiss.  Let parents not be the ones inculcating a problem!

This time last year ...

I've asked this question to four people and so far, not one has gotten the right answer.  I'll try it on you.  What were we very preoccupied with at this time last year?

Think.

Think harder.

Give up?

Remember how every other news item seemed to be about the Swine Flu? How schools were closing? How the Experts were weighing in with their estimates about how many people would get it, how many fatalities there would be?

Hmmm ...

For those who became seriously sick and r'l, even died from it, it was serious business, but was the "pandemic" anything like what we were told it would be?  I'd like all the experts who made pessimistic pronouncements one year ago to be re-interviewed now and asked why their estimates were so way off. 

Was this a miraculous intervention thanks to our prayers and good deeds? Was it not a major threat to begin with? Was this another example of media hype like we had with SARS which did not turn into an epidemic? Did they enjoy making doomsday predictions much like meterologists who report impending blizzards with glee and who are often wrong about their forecasts? I'd like to know.  In the meantime, keep keep washing your hands.

Psychiatry part 3

In Mishpacha magazine's supplement "Calligraphy" from Pesach (which usually has fiction but this time had non-fiction), there is a very disturbing story about a third grader in Israel who was doing wonderfully in school until he began speaking less and less and was diagnosed by a pediatrician with selective mutism (which does not explain anything, just describes the fact that the child isn't talking).

He began to withdraw socially and then stopped speaking altogether. A psychologist had him draw on a paper, asked the parents whether the child had experienced any trauma, and when they said they no, the psychologist said she thought he was reacting to a severe trauma or was psychotic and to bring him back in a week.

Rather than explore what might be bothering the child who had been 100% normal till then, a week later the same psychologist recommended that they take him to a psychiatrist because she decided that his condition was dire.

Based on this, they actually picked up and moved the family to Yerushalayim! (yes, they asked a shaila and sorry to say, the psychologist's opinion was adhered to like it was the word of G-d).

Unbelievably, this poor child was enrolled in a special needs school. Interestingly, he still sang zemiros at the Shabbos table but otherwise, he was doing worse.

They took him to a pediatric psychiatrist. Their child was 10 and a half and the change had begun three months before. Without interacting with the child at all, this rasha of a doctor declared that the boy was either experiencing clinical depression or psychosis and he wrote out a prescription.

Around the third visit, the child went over and touched the fax machine and this doctor yelled at him, stood up and forcefully waved his hand and said, "Get away from there! You're psychotic, yes you're psychotic!" And he wrote out another prescription.

This is a pediatric psychiatrist!? Why, oh why, did this evil person specialize in working with children when he hates them? And by what did he write out a prescription without thoroughly examining the child?

The story goes on. They administer drug and after drug to the child who gets worse and worse.  He had terrible side effects from the drugs, was diagnosed with schizophrenia, was confined in a psychiatric hospital, was severely beaten and abused by the Arab driver of the van that took him to his institution, and then a particular drug was credited for helping him get back to normal.

The parents did what they thought was best. I feel sad for them and the miserable experience they had, uprooting their family and everything that happened, but it needs to be said: Nobody bothered trying to find out what made a previously normal 10 year old withdraw. These medical doctors are trained to diagnose pathology.  Mental illness is nebulous, usually with no physical evidence of a physiological problem and as in the case with the "Girl in the Green Sweater" and the woman in the "True Healing" post, drugs and mental illness labels were not what was needed.  A person reaching out in kindness with the way to the person's heart is what was needed.

This reminds me of an article I read about a year ago about a man who came to the US to collect tzedaka so he could pay for a wedding.  Once in America he was unable to get himself out of bed.  A friend took him to a psychiatrist and you'll never guess how the MD treated him .... Are you ready? Have you guessed? Yes! He wrote a prescription for an anti-depressant!

Now tell me, if the doctor had written out a hefty check for the person, or if the fundraiser had unexpectedly won the lottery, would he be depressed? Nope.  Would he need drugs? Nope. So why are we, as a society, allowing our fears and sadness to be treated with drugs?

Psychiatry part 2

I recently read another two things (in addition to my "True Healing" post, two posts ago) that have reinforced my strong feelings about psychiatry. 

I am almost finished reading "The Girl in the Green Sweater" by Krystyna Chiger about how she survived the Holocaust at age 7 by hiding in the sewers beneath the city of Lvov for fourteen months.  After many months underground and enduring horrific living conditions (swarming rats, for one thing) the usually cheerful girl became silent, sullen and sad.  She did not feel like eating, talking or doing anything.  It's what a psychiatrist would diagnose as childhood depression.

Her mother was desperate about her, thinking her temperament was changed forever and so she told the Polish man who was their protector about her concern.  The Pole led her through the pipes and said, "Let me show you something."  She crawled through and then climbed a ladder which led to an opening to the street where she could see sunlight through the grate.  It was the first sunshine she had seen in over a year.  She heard children playing outside.

He said to her, "You have to be strong, little one.  In just a few days, you will be up there playing with the other children.  You will smell the same flowers."

And she writes "And in this way I became whole again," thanks to him.

What would a psychiatrist have done for her? Without a doubt, reached for his prescription pad and drugged her.

(more in the next post)

"She is in the tent"

I heard a recent shiur from Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein (of Ohr Naava) which he gave to young men at Ohr Yitzchok.  Among other things, he spoke about the angels asking Avrohom where Sarah is and Avrohom responded, "She is in the tent," i.e. she is modest.

R' Wallerstein took the opportunity to say a most unpopular view, acknowledging that he could not say this in a talk to girls or he'd lose 80% of them.  He said that what he has to say is the truth though people don't want to acknowledge it and a rabbi saying it will be seen as hopelessly out-of-touch with today's reality.  What he said is:

Women belong in the tent, in the home, taking care of their home and children.  Men are supposed to go out and provide for their families.  Men should get up early and learn before they daven and then go to work and learn again in the evening. 

Sarah was in the tent.  She didn't serve the guests because it wasn't modest for her to serve men.  Sarah did not have a career.  She wasn't a PT, OT, or speech therapist.

Too many of today's children are being put on the bus and taken off the bus by foreign help.  Having this help around the house when the husband is there leads to serious problems.

To many of today's kids are on Prozac, seeing therapists, sleeping till 4:00 in the afternoon.

Women today are embarrassed to say they are a housewife.

Boys in shidduchim who say they want to be supported for years and expect their wives to do it, who don't change their plans when their wives are pregnant, not feeling well, what is their learning worth?

All the foregoing are R' Wallerstein's remarks.  I give him lots of credit for saying the unpopular truth.  Is anybody listening?