Connections to Fire

For those looking for areas to focus on that relate directly to fire, here are some ideas:

Yechiel Spero points out, fire and Shabbos are connected in several places in the Torah. We welcome Shabbos with Shabbos candles. We conclude Shabbos with the Havdalah candle.  And the only melacha of the 39 that is mentioned in the Torah is, “Lo sevaaru aish bechol moshvoseichem b'yom ha'Shabbos - You shall not kindle fire in any of your dwellings on the Shabbos day” (Shemos 35:3).

Torah is compared to fire.

Anger is compared to fire.
And, in My jealousy, in the fire of My anger, I have spoken ... "(Yechezkel 38:18-20)

Machlokes is compared to fire.

The Bais Hamikdash was destroyed by fire and will be rebuilt with fire.

And Hashem is like an eish ochla - a consuming flame.

Children Today

R' Shneur Aisenstark (see previous post about him: here) makes a very interesting point in a recent issue (May 22, 2013) of Mishpacha magazine.  He talks about the relationship between parents and children and notes how the respect mixed with love and awe is lacking.  He believes this is the reason for the rebellion we are seeing.

He tells a story that is related by Avi Shulman about a rebbi who was teaching his class about how Yaakov gave Yosef the special garment and this caused the brothers to feel jealousy and hatred towards Yosef.  A boy in the class asked, "What did Yosef do wrong by accepting the coat from his father? It was Yaakov who showed favoritism, so why weren't the brothers angry at their father rather than at their brother?

The rebbi had no answer.  He searched through sefarim and found nothing and he finally asked R' Chaim Kanievsky.  R' Chaim said that it was only in this generation that someone would ask such a question.  In previous generations, the question would not occur to them because they could not imagine that a son would question or have complaints against his father, let alone be angry.  That is why no commentaries address the question.

He ends the article with questions such as: Do our children have a relationship with us that would make them definitely listen to us? Do we convey the message to our children about the imperative to be a good Yid in a way that will have a lifetime impact? Do we convince our children that nonconforming to our mesorah is unacceptable?

Anger Elimination, not Management

On the one hand, the Gemara equates anger to worshipping idols. On the other hand, the "world out there" says you have to express your anger, in "healthy" ways of course.

So what's a Jew to do?

I find that this is yet another example of how secular values infiltrate our world and influence us to the point that many people don't even know what's what anymore.

I've read and heard frum people talk about expressing anger, or actually teaching your children to express their anger in healthy ways like punching a pillow. I once read a list of ten or so suggestions as to how to express anger positively (run around the block, scream into your pillow etc.).

What people don't understand is that expressing anger makes you angrier! When the Torah expects us not to be angry, it's not that the Torah wants us to repress our angry feelings, but not to have them altogether!

The issue is not how to express the anger, but how to get rid of it! The concept of "managing" your anger does not exist in Torah sources, not in halacha, not in mussar. For good reason too. Since anger is equated with idol worship, we obviously cannot be "managing" our worship of idols! Anger is not supposed to be expressed or suppressed. It's supposed to be eliminated. Sad that frum publications, speakers, and therapists have adopted the secular, anti-Torah approach to anger.

The term “manage” does not convey the need to stay exceedingly far away from anger because it's an evil midda, as Rambam says to do. When you manage something, you're not getting rid of it.

Rather than manage our anger, we need articles, speakers and therapists to help us prevent angry feelings from arising by telling us about hashgacha pratis, and that whatever or whoever "made us" angry, is a shaliach of Hashem, and so any anger is actually anger towards Hashem ch'v. This thought puts things in perspective and calms us down. We need to hear inspirational stories and thoughts about people who responded calmly and did not feel anger in volatile situation.

The Ramban in his famous letter advises us, “Accustom yourself to speak gently to all people at all times and this will save you from anger, a most serious character flaw which causes one to sin.”