Watch What You Pray For

In a shiur given by Rabbi Reisman he said a person he corresponded with told him that he wanted more time to spend with his family.  He became sick and spent more time with his family.  Lesson: watch what you pray for.  This is why we ask that our requests be answered l'tova.

I just read two other examples of this in an article about Yitzi Hurwitz in Mishpacha.  He is immobilized by ALS and his wife was interviewed and said, when they were dating, she had spoken about wanting to live in America as opposed to somewhere where they'd have to send the kids to school in another country.  They ended up in California but she still had to drive a thousand miles a week to take her kids to and from school.  The lesson, she said, "You really need to be specific when you ask G-d for things."

Even scarier is when she says, "The two things in my life that I wished for were not to have to worry so much about money, and that I'd have more time to spend with Yitzi because he was never home, he was working so hard.  And now, I have a lot more time to spend with Yitzi, and thanks to a lot of good people, I worry very little about money.  It's not exactly how I thought it would be ..."

Watch What You Wish For

There is a frightening Metzudas Dovid in today's haftorah for parshas Korach. In Shmuel I, chapter 12, pasuk16, Shmuel rebukes the Jewish people for asking for a king.

Metzudas Dovid says, Shmuel says, "If you will say, if asking for a king was considered bad by Hashem, why did He agree" and give us a king, Shaul?
"To this I respond, even now, after He agreed, stand by and see this great thing [and Shmuel says, it's the wheat harvest now (not a time when it rains) and I will call to Hashem and He will give thunder and rain ...] and from this you will be able to understand the ways of Hashem.  Hashem fulfills the request of a petitioner even if it is bad in the eyes of Hashem, and even if to the petitioner it will not be considered beneficial."

Apparently, this is why we use the phrase: may all mishalos libeich l'tova be fulfilled - all requests of your heart for good, leaving it up to Hashem to determine what is good for us.

Prioritize Preemptive Prayer

The other day I heard about a woman who tripped where construction was being done and sustained a fracture where her arm meets the shoulder.  Her life changed in an instant with doctors, surgery, pain, rehabilitation, incapacity, etc. Her story is not unique; it happens all the time.

It just made me think that just as we say yeshuas Hashem k'heref ayin, that the salvation of Hashem is like the blinking of an eye, i.e. it can happen so fast, so too with negative occurrences.  They too are from Hashem and can happen in the blinking of an eye. 

A negative thought? Sobering, yes.  We have to keep praying and preemptive prayer is best.

Statistics and Us

Rabbi L. of Flatbush has a granddaughter in a coma (may she have a refuah shleima).  He reported that the doctor was asked what her prognosis is. 

The answer wasn't positive but the doctor added: You never know, with you people things are different.

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It's one thing for us to hear that in a shiur or read it, and another thing when someone in the field, apparently not Jewish, says it!

Auspicious Times for Tefilla

There are various times during the Seder that are auspicious for tefilla:

1) Right before the Ma Nishtana, it says in the Haggada, "v'kan ha'ben sho'el" - and here, the child asks.  Or read it, "At this moment, the child - you, asks - requests.

2) After reciting how terrible it was in servitude to the Egyptians, the Haggada says, "Va'nitz'ak el Hashem ..." - and we cried out to Hashem. 

3) "Shefoch chamascha el ha'goyim ... " - Pour Your wrath on the nations ...
The Chida says that when we open the door it's an auspicious moment which reenacts the scene of Yaakov receiving the blessings from Yitzchok.  It's a time when we can receive blessings too.

4) The Chasam Sofer says, "Each person will see, after reciting the Haggada, how his speech will become clear, and he can request in his prayers whatever he desires.

Life Lesson

 

It was Presidents Day and although the trains came quickly enough, there were changes, the kind of changes that they usually have on weekends but extended into this holiday.

 

I was waiting for a D train at my usual spot and had just uttered a prayer, "Please bring me the D train quickly."  A D train appeared but on the opposite track.  Oh well.  A while later, an N train appeared on the opposite track.  I let that go.  After all, the D or N has to be on the side I'm waiting on.

 

Then another D came on the opposite track.  At that point, lots of people got up and went on and I figured I'd join them.  I hoped it was going where I wanted to go.  In fact, the announcement did say my direction.  It got me exactly where I wanted to go.

 

I thought - how foolish.  I prayed for a D and a D came right away, but I didn't board it! It was followed by another train I could have taken, but I didn't take it.  It was only when I was beginning to wonder whether a train would ever come where I was waiting that I decided to take the chance and get on the train on the opposite track.

 

I later learned that D and N don't regularly travel on that opposite track, so if it does, take it!

 

What I took from this is: sometimes we pray and Hashem answers our prayers, exactly what we asked for! But for whatever reasons, we pass up the very thing we wanted, mostly because we don't recognize it for what it is.

Big and Little Things

There are two guidelines I've encountered on the topic of prayer, both of which are good and true and worth remembering.

One is, don't be reticent to ask Hashem for big things.  Don't limit Him.  Don't think, "That's too much to ask for."  A memorable example is an article by Jay Litvin in which he wrote about his son needing surgery and in the Israeli socialist state, he could only schedule an operation months in the future.  He davened for an earlier date and then it struck him.  Why was he davening for an earlier date for surgery rather than no need for an operation at all?

Two, to ask Him for the little things.  You're not bothering Him when you daven for the little things in your life, that the store will have what you're looking for, that you find a parking space, that there's an available exercise bike at the gym.

Big and little, available for the asking.

Don't Limit Him

In a pre-Rosh Hashana call to someone, I made reference to the idea that although I daven for certain things, Hashem knows better than me what to give me.  I have limited ideas and if I limit my prayers to just those items, I will be shortchanging myself. 

The person agreed and responded with two stories.  In the first story, a young man began coughing and when he had it checked out, was told the devastating news that there was a mass on his lungs.  They could not even biopsy it because of the fear that this would cause cancer cells to spread.

He went in for surgery and before long, the doctor came out beaming.  He said, you'll never believe this.  There is a gland called the thymus gland which is right underneath the breastbone.  At the onset of puberty it begins shrinking.  For some reason, in this 25 year old man it had not shrunk and that was the mass that they saw.  No threat to life whatsoever.

In the second story, a mammogram showed a lump.  Another mammogram was ordered.  It still looked problematic.  There is the prayer that it be benign.

Another test was ordered, a rather uncomfortable one.  As it was being done, the technician or doctor seemed to be experiencing difficulties.  What's the problem? Well, there is no lump there at all.

So we daven for surgery to go well instead of praying for no surgery; we daven that the lump be benign instead of no lump; we have kleine kep and we circumscribe G-d in a tiny box and ask for petty results.  G-d has no restrictions; let's not project our restrictions on Him.

Praying for IDF soldiers

Once again, I'm seeing requests that we join the program that pairs up Israeli soldiers with Jews around the world who do acts of chesed, tefilla and study Torah in the merit of "their" soldier.  They say:

Any mitzvah that you do, be it once or on a daily basis, on behalf of a soldier truly makes a difference - to the soldier and to Jewish unity. Pick a mitzvah that can easily be a part of your life and dedicate it to 'your' soldier. Be realistic. Write your soldier's name out and post it where you'll see it: near the Shabbos candles; on the refrigerator; in your car; in your phone. Then, when you are going to do something positive in the world - stop and think of  'your' soldier and include him or her in your mitzvah.

 

I think the idea has merit since it personalizes the war for us.  It's like those who go on the March of the Living and are given the identity card of someone their age who perished in the Holocaust.  It enables the person to see the Holocaust in a personal way.  We don't relate to the number six million, but we can relate to the life of a person just like us who lived at that time. 

 

However, I was surprised to see a very strong reaction to this idea.  A person wrote a comment in which he wondered why these gimmicks are needed and why we can't just pray like our Bubbies and Zeides did "and shed an honest earnest tear for the better health and safety of our fellow bretheren in Eretz Yisroel. No fanfare or organizations needed."

Women and Tefilla

A question I've long had goes like this:

Women are exempt from the same tefilla requirements as men because they are exempt from mitzvos asei she'hazman grama (positive, time-bound mitzvos).  Women have household obligations, specifically, children to care for, and they cannot be obligated to daven as a man does. 

But if a woman takes a job which requires her to be at a certain place for set hours, then that would seem to demonstrate that she can do time-bound activities.  If so, why should she be exempt from tefilla like a man?

I was reminded of this question when I read an article in which a woman says davening used to be the focus of her day.  Even when she had a baby, she davened three times a day.  When she had a second baby, the demands of the newborn and the toddler did not allow her to daven much at all.  The way she put it, "Every weekday morning, I faced a marathon consisting of nurse-the-baby-feed-the-toddler-throw-on-some-clothes-change-and-dress-two-children-pack-up-the-diaper-bags-daven-fly-out-the-door ... all by 8:10."

She said she couldn't do everything and so, she gave up on davening.  She goes on to say how she learned that she could daven an abbreviated davening. 

So I don't get it.  She can work six hours a day, a time-bound activity, despite her childcare and household obligations which she delegates to others, and this exempts her from davening, a time-bound activity.  Why?

Different Reactions

Someone I know had a dream about the Arizal, in which she was told to say Nishmas and the Pitum Ha'Ketores until Ana B'Koach, and then to say it backward.  When I heard this being discussed and whether a rav should be consulted about others saying it too, my reaction was: She had the dream, so she can say it.  What does it have to do with anyone else?

I have enough to say without someone sharing dream instructions with additional things to say! It struck me though, when I heard someone else's completely different reaction.  As this person said, "My gut feeling ..." in my mind I finished the thought, "In my gut feeling, the dream was for her," but the thought was ended quite differently.  "My gut feeling is, if someone asks that verses be said, if I had the discipline and time to do it, of course I would like to help."

Well! How jarring and illuminating to encounter a response that was entirely different than my own.  Although I think my reaction is valid, I am still impressed by the willingness to make this commitment, even if it is only wishful.

Don't Talk in Shul During the Davening!

Some information I gleaned on the Internet about today's date, the 20th of Sivan:

In 1171, fifty-one Jews were burned at the stake in the French city of Blois. So Rabbeinu Tam declared a fast day on Chof Sivan. Observation of the fast gradually faded over the ensuing years as that tragedy was overshadowed by the 150 years of the Crusades.

20 Sivan was reinstituted as a fast day by certain communities, due to the tens, perhaps hundreds, of thousands of Jews, approximately one third of European Jewry, killed al kiddush Hashem in the Gezeiros Tach V'Tat (years 5408-5409, 1648-1649), the Chelminitzki massacres. Hundreds of Jewish communities in Poland and Ukraine were wiped out. There are special Selichos said and Vayichal is read. 

The massacres started in Nemirov, Ukraine, on 20 Sivan when the Cossacks slaughtered the entire Jewish community, including the Rov, a great tzadik named Reb Yechiel Michel ben Reb Elazar, author of Shivrei Luchos. The Berdichiver Siddur says that is why this date was picked as a fast day and points out that 20 Sivan never falls out on Shabbos. The massacres spread out to other parts. This happened during the life of the Shach, Tosefos Yom Tov and many other great tzadikim. Yesod Veshoresh Ha'avodah says one should think about the terrible torture and suffering these people went through and all the Torah that was not learnt because they were killed.

 

The Shach was the first rov to institute a fast day on the day Chof Sivan in commemoration of the Gezeiros Tach V’Tat. He made this fast day only for his family and descendants. Then in 1652 the Rabbonim established the fast for the public.

When learning through a Shailas Chalom (a dream query) that these murderous times and the destruction of hundreds of shuls and battei medrash were the result of a lack of respect in Shul, Rav Yom-Tov Lipmann Heller, known as the Tosafos Yom Tov composed a special Mi She'beirach that is said in some Shuls for the people who are quiet and do not speak during davening.

 

Bogdan Chmielnicki, the 17th-century butcher of Jews, is still regarded as a Ukrainian national hero. His image is displayed on Ukrainian money and his monument in the center of Kiev is the focal point of the Ukrainian capital. 

Dear Father ...

Every morning, after saying Modeh Ani and washing her hands, she would go out on the porch.  She placed her hands behind her back and addressed Hashem: My Master, my Father, I cannot do anything without You!

That is how a Moroccan Jewish woman addressed Hashem every morning.  She was an isha peshuta (simple woman) who was illiterate, since they did not teach girls to read and write and yet she had a personal relationship with the Ribono shel olam, one which, sophisticated we, with our ability to read, write and surf and search the Internet, often lack. 

We read stories from yesteryear, of the simple folk whom the Baal Shem Tov extolled.  There are still some living amongst us.  They are precious Jews.

We have a hard task.  We cannot feign simplicity.  We are enjoined to learn and know, to the best of our abilities.  But even as we broaden our minds and knowledge, we need to retain the emuna peshuta (simple faith) of a child, of unlearned people.

G-d's Response is Positive

When the topic of prayer comes up and the question as to whether all prayers are answered, people commonly repeat the line: yes, all prayers are answered, but sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes they illustrate this belief with a story of a child who wishes and prays for a bike and some time later is asked: So? Was your prayer answered. And the child says, yes. So where's the bike? Oh, I didn't get it. The answer was no.

I read something which quoted the Baal Shem Tov, though I haven't seen it in the sefer, saying that this belief (the answer "no") is wrong, and that as soon as a prayer is uttered, Hashem answers in the positive.

Wait a minute, you're thinking. How can this be? The answer given is that we don't always get to see the gashmius realization of the "yes," but the answer is "yes" nonetheless, on some plane of existence. For some of us, that's as good as saying no! But apparently there's a difference between "no," and a "yes" we don't see.

Rashi in Ki Sisa 33:19, on the words "and I will have mercy" says, "When I will want to have mercy. Thus far, He only promised him (Moshe) that sometimes I will answer and sometimes I won't answer, but then later 34:10, He promised that the prayers will not chozros reikam (be turned away unfulfilled)."

I read a moving article by the husband (Shaul Rosenblatt) of a woman who died of cancer. He said that after his wife's illness and the harrowing experience they went through, he learned that "no matter what, prayers do not go unanswered. Sometimes the answer is positive in the way you asked for it, and sometimes the answer is positive in a way you didn't ask for it. But the answer is always positive.

He understood the positive answer to his asking Hashem to heal his wife to be yes, in a spiritual sense, and he said, "I was and am envious of the spiritual health that she attained. A few days before she passed away, she said that for the first time in her life, she truly felt that G-d loves her. She has always known it, but had never been able to fully feel it. Now she did... While her body was as sick as could be, her soul was healthier than anyone I had ever met. Even two days before her passing, she said she would not swap places with anyone."

He went on to say, "Why couldn't G-d heal her soul and body at the same time? It's a good question, but we cannot know all of G-d's ways, or we would be G-d Himself... But I do know that G-d healed her ... G-d answered when I called - just not in the way I asked for... We pray. He listens, considers, and decided how best to respond based on who we are and what we need. His answer is always positive."

Isn't this man's perspective just amazing?!