Promoting Shabbos and Tznius

Rabbi Matisyahu Salomon makes an interesting observation.  He says that nowadays, whenever some calamity happens, people are quick to lay the blame on deficiencies in shemiras ha'lashon (I would add the related sin of lack of Ahavas Yisrael and machlokes), but if you look into the collected letters of the Chofetz Chaim where he refers to many disasters (pogroms, fires, poverty, communism) he never connects them to shemiras ha'lashon! Usually, he lays the blame on the lack of Shabbos observance and tznius.  Occasionally, he also mentions bittul Torah and poor tefilla, but never shemiras ha'lashon.

The problem as I see it is, shemiras ha'lashon is something that applies equally to men and women, so when we are urged to improve in this area, nobody feels uncomfortable.  The same would also apply to Shabbos observance.  But if people try to promote tznius and point out failings in tznius, the response is often negative since women don't want to be made to feel that the problems we face are their fault.  You can't help but elicit a defensive reaction when you point a finger at a sub-group.

So what's the solution? Well, for one thing, to promote greater Shabbos observance.  There are certainly plenty of books available in so many different formats on the subject of Shabbos.  Some favorites of mine are: Baruch Chait's terrific book on the 39 Melachos:

http://www.feldheim.com/cgi-bin/category.cgi?item=0-87306-586-7 

"Shabbos Secrets" for inspiration:

http://www.israelbookshoppublications.com/ProductDetail.asp?PID=360

and there's "Shemiras Shabbos K'Hilchasa" for practical guidance in Shabbos observance:

http://www.feldheim.com/cgi-bin/category.cgi?item=1-58330-494-0

As for promoting greater tznius, that's a tough one because it seems that those who are already doing well in this area are the ones who show up for the Kinusim on the subject.  Maybe an avenue that should be pushed more is lecturing men on the subject of tznius with a particular emphasis on urging them to encourage their wives and daughters to dress according to halacha and in an aidel manner.  Too many husbands either tacitly allow or actively urge their wives to dress inappropriately.  And who is paying for their daughters' clothing? Parents should be encouraged to put their foot down and not allow purchases of inappropriate clothing.

Other suggestions? Post your comment! :)

Message from Lakewood Mashgiach: Prepare to Greet Moshiach!

For those who didn't get to read it or hear about it - There was a crowd estimated at 8000 people at a Hachnosas Sefer Torah in Lakewood which included nearly all the talmidim and members of the community. At the seudas mitzva, the mashgiach, Rabbi Matisyahu Salomon publicly thanked Hashem for the great progress his wife made since her heart attack in the summer and then went on to say:

"One evening, when my rebbetzin was in the hospital, I dozed off as I sat by her bedside.  I am not one who dreams or remembers dreams but I had the most vivid vision of the rosh yeshiva (and founder of the Lakewood yeshiva), Rabbi Aharon Kotler.  He looked exactly as he did when I saw him when I was a bochur in Gateshead" (R' Salomon saw R' Kotler one time when he said a shiur in Gateshead).

"He looked right at me and pointed his finger towards me, 'You ... if you accept upon yourself to remain in Lakewood as mashgiach until Moshiach's arrival, then your rebbetzin will be cured and together with her you will welcome Moshiach.'"

Then Rabbi Salomon said, "Rabosai! He said until Moshiach comes, and I am not a young man anymore.  Let's be prepared!"

Chinuch for Doing Mitzvos

I found it interesting to read that Rabbi Matisyahu Salomon, mashgiach in Lakewood, says that if a parent speaks to children about the advantages and rewards of doing mitzvos, rather than the joy of living with mitzvos, this is not a good idea (I found it interesting because so often you hear that the goal is Olam Haba).

He says that if you tell children, "Do this mitzva because if you do it, you will get a reward" or if the parent says excitedly that he himself is doing a mitzva in order to get Olam Haba, this is not good chinuch.

He explains that this only teaches children to do a mitzva because it is worth your while.  The child might think that for his parents, Olam Haba is wonderful, but he has other ideas about what makes something worthwhile.  He can think: Let my parents go after the reward that interests them and I will go after the reward that interests me.  He will have learned that mitzvos are done for the rewards and he can apply his own standards of rewards.

If, however, the child sees the joy that a parent has when doing a mitzva, if that joy is the foundation of the home in which he grows up, then, says R' Salomon, he will inevitably be affected by the spirit and the mood and the atmosphere and he himself will feel that joy when he does the mitzvos.  This kind of chinuch will reach him no matter what he thinks constitutes a worthwhile reward.

***
What about being mechanech children to do mitzvos to bring Moshiach, to "make a brick for the Beis Ha'Mikdash?" Is that something that can motivate children and is it good chinuch?

If it's done as a "formula," something said by rote, then you shouldn't count on it motivating them.  But if you are able to convey to children, whether aged 3 or 6 or 10, how Moshiach's coming is something they personally want and it's immediate and real, then yes, it's good chinuch.

Don't despair!

I read the following on Revach.net

As told by Rav Refoel Salzer of Gateshead  of Gateshead

Approximately 17 years ago, I taught a class of 12-year old boys for Chumash-Rashi. One particular boy in the class (we’ll call him “Reuven”) gave me cause for concern. I knew him to be a serious, hard working boy with excellent ability, and I expected him to be at least among the top of the class. It alarmed me therefore to note that he was scoring around the 40% mark, week after week. His Gemara Rebbi confirmed that in his class, Reuven was at the head of the class.

I took Reuven aside and questioned him. I was even more astounded by his explanation. “Rebbi,” he said in all honesty and sincerity, “ this has been going on for years! I have just never been able to ‘get my teeth’ into Chumash Rashi. There’s just something about it that does not let us get on!” He then went on to assure me that it had nothing to do with the Rebbi – it had been the same with all his past Rebbeim. When I tried telling him how fundamental Chumash Rashi was to his Yiras Shomayim and the success of all his learning, he replied that he was fully aware of all this, - but he simply could not get to grips with this crucial Limud.

This left me absolutely dumbfounded – I could not understand why such a solid, ‘tachshit’ of a boy should have such difficulty. He was clearly talking from the heart, and I found myself helpless in a inexplicable situation.

That night I attended a wedding which was graced by Harav Matisyohu Salomon. He had just returned from a visit to the then Soviet Union, and he related a ‘vort’ he was told there by an ‘elterre Yid’ who had heard it from the Chofetz Chaim!

In Parshas Vayera, when Hagar took the ailing Yishmael through the desert where she ran out of water, Chazal tell us that the well of water she discovered later, was actually there all the time. Hagar however was prevented from being able to see the water until after her encounter with the Malach.

Why, asks the Chafetz Chaim, did Hashem hide the water from her in the first place? If nature would have been allowed to run as normal, there would have been no crisis to begin with. Furthermore, if we examine the pesukim, we see (פרק כ"א פסוק י"ז) that Hashem had decided that Yishmael should be allowed to live כי שמע א...ם את קול הנער באשר הוא שם (Hashem has heard the voice of the boy where he is at now).  It is only in פסוק י"ט that Hagar is able to ‘discover’ the well of water. In between these two pesukim is an entire possuk קומי שאי את הנער והחזיקי את ידך בו כי לגוי גדול אשימנו (get up and lift the boy and support him for I will make him into a great nation).  It appears that Hagar needed to go through this process of lifting and grasping her son before she was to be released from her torment. What is the meaning behind all of this?

The words of Harav Salomon almost knocked me off my seat. The Chafetz Chaim explains that the reason why Hagar lost the ability to locate the natural supply of water – was a result of her having despaired and having “written off” Yishmael’s chances of survival. In fact, we are being taught here that when a person despairs and does not believe in his own ability, his attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and Hashem removes the ability that he actually had!

Even after the Divine ‘psak’ that Yishmael should live, Hagar was still deprived of the water supply. The only way to change the situation was for her to change her attitude! She had to lift the child, hold him tight and have faith in him that he will indeed grow into a great nation. Once this was done, Hashem reversed the situation to its original natural state, and Hagar could partake of the resource that was waiting for her all along.

Suddenly everything made sense! Reuven’s success was being withheld from him because of his misguided perception of his ability. If only he would lift himself up and take a firm grip of himself, he would be allowed to grow as he so badly desired.

The following day, I decided to share this vort with the entire class I did not even make eye-contact with Reuven when I said this over but I fervently hoped that he would get the message.

To this day I cannot be certain whether this made a difference, but I do know that from that week onward, Reuven (who is now a Magid Shiur) began to achieve increasingly better grades at Chumash Rashi.