Jan 19, 2015

Disciplined Thinking

Someone presented the following situation.  She had married off her first child and due to an oversight, they had not given a bracha to an uncle. 

After the chuppa, her mother told her that the uncle was upset and he and his wife were leaving.  Of course, the baalas simcha was mortified to hear about this and she apologized and begged the uncle to stay.  Naturally, this shterred (disturbed) the simcha.

Her question was, what should she have done? *

The answer given by the speaker was, the Satan intervenes at holy and special times and we cannot allow it.  What she should have done was determined that she was not going to deal with this situation at the wedding; she would deal with it the next day.  The wedding is a time for simcha and gratitude!

I liked this answer because it did not dismiss the situation.  Rather, it gave it its due but at the right time, tomorrow, not today.  We often get caught up in the issue of the moment, feeling outraged/sorry/defensive etc. but we need the discipline to assign the matter its due time.  Shabbos, for example, is not the time.  A simcha is not the time. 

An added bonus, and no small thing, is that by dealing with it later, we will be able to approach it much more calmly and handle it better than in the moment.

* Obviously, I am appalled that someone 1) would be so zealous about his honor and would 2) shter someone's simcha over it, but what the uncle should have done is not the question here.

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