Mentch Before Ruchnius?

I have read the idea "emotional health comes before spiritual growth" several times and have wondered about it.  Sometimes it's couched as "first he needs to become a mentch, then we can work on his ruchnius." It is in the context of those off the derech or those having personal problems.

I can see that if someone is an emotional mess, they are in no position to listen to a shiur.  But they could very well be encouraged to do a mitzvah!

In the book Incredible, the story is told of Yossi Gevili, an inmate in an Israeli prison who showed up at an Arachim seminar.  He was on furlough, only his second one in seven years because after he was allowed out the first time and got into a fight, they were hesitant about letting him out again.  This time, he figured the safest place for him was at an Arachim seminar.

Yossi Gevili had been one of the worst prisoners at the prison.  He did not get along with anyone, he argued constantly, was mean, and broke all the rules.  When he returned to the prison after the seminar, he was a different person, polite, and he started using a siddur.  Four days at the Arachim seminar made him into a baal teshuva and model citizen.

Arachim personnel found him a job when he was released and gave him the support he needed to stay on track. He married and settled down and gave his mother nachas.

So here was a man who was difficult inmate in a prison who did not first undergo therapy or any sort of program to address his emotional state of being, his obnoxious behavior, and his anger.  He was exposed to Torah lectures and this changed his life.

Saving a World

continued from previous post

A woman said that many years ago, her sister went to an Israeli abortion clinic to dissuade women from aborting their babies.  She met a woman who was there for a scheduled abortion.  Her sister said don't do it; give the baby to me! The woman instinctively said, it's my baby! Then she realized the irony in what she said, considering what she was about to do, and said her husband lost his job, and they were in the middle of renovations which they could not continue and were exposed to the elements. She felt desperate.

Her sister pledged to raise money for the woman and did so and the woman gave birth to a boy.  They kept in touch and the sister went to the child's bar mitzva and wedding.

"Whoever sustains one Jewish life is like one who sustains an entire world."

Rebbe's Message Re-Packaged

 

I listened to Rabbi Yitzchak Sorotzkin's address at the Aguda Convention and it was quite astonishing.  His two main points were: 1) we cannot be satisfied with our personal growth, it needs to bother us that Yidden out there are not aware of Torah and mitzvos, we need to follow Avrohom Avinu and reach out, Avrohom was loved by Hashem because he increased kvod shomayim in the world, he did not just look out for himself, when we know how many children don't know what a Gemara is how can we be complacent? Did we do everything we could to get them to recognize there is a G-d and bring them closer to Him? and 2) the chilul Hashem in the world should bother us, we should be asking for the Geula wholeheartedly and if we did, it would come already.

 

If not for the Litvishe world's jargon and way of putting things, I would have thought he was a representative of Chabad, conveying the Lubavitcher Rebbe's message!

 

 

Rosh Yeshiva's Misguided Approach

I was listening to a shiur given by a talmid of a certain American rosh yeshiva and once again, I was peeved to hear a foolish idea from this rosh yeshiva. 

This time, it was about what to teach an 8-9 year old child from an irreligious home who attends a religious program.  Why teach him about kashrus and Shabbos, this rosh yeshiva asks.  Do you think he will be able to eat kosher on his own? Keep Shabbos on his own? Instead, teach him about tzedaka, chesed, Ahavas Hashem, Yiras Hashem, things the child can do on his own.

I have read numerous stories about young children being taught about kashrus and Shabbos who were the catalysts for their entire families becoming frum.  I read one just yesterday, a first person account in which her six year old, who attended a religious program, asked that the family keep kosher which he had learned about.  The mother refused but subsequently decided to do it, along with other mitzvos.

I remember a story of a little girl who learned about Shabbos and lighting Shabbos candles.  She asked her mother to buy candles and her mother refused.  So the little girl went to the store on her own and asked for candles and the person gave her yartzeit candles, thinking that was probably what her mother wanted.  The little girl lit two yartzeit candles in her room and when her mother discovered this and asked what was going on, she innocently replied that one candle was for her mother and one for her father.  That changed things in a hurry!

Numerous stories can be told by those who work in Talmud Torahs, Sunday schools, programs like Shuvu in Eretz Yisrael for Russian children, etc. about children who, in their sincerity, have followed through on their seemingly impossible commitments, and sometimes changed their entire families along the way.

It's Just Too Hard

R' Daniel Gross spoke in Yiddish at the Keiravtuni Shabbaton.  He said he saw a bunch of guys hanging out, drop-outs.
 

One of them said, it's a pity I was born a Jew.

If I was born a goy I would have only 7 mitzvos.  Taryag mitzvos are a pressure for me, I always have a guilty conscience.

A goy gets olam haba for doing his seven.

***
So it's not the kid did not believe. He believed and wanted olam haba, but felt it was just too hard.  A friend of mine thinks this comes from "affluenza," which includes the idea that life should be easy.

R' Gross presented the issue to chassidishe bachurim, of why be a yid, what's good about it.  The best answer they could come up with was olam haba.  They viewed Torah and mitzvos as an ol (burden), and saw the point as just olam haba.

It's a great essay topic to assign 12th graders.  Describe the scene, repeat what the guy said about it being a shame he was born a Jew and why, and ask them to write their response.

 

R' Meir Schuster z'l - part 2

I posted about R' Meir Schuster z"l a month ago here.  Since then, I've read a number of articles about him which only reinforce what I wrote previously. 

Dedication

Since I've written recently about little things adding up, I was struck by this point made by R' Edelstein who was executive director of R' Schuster's Heritage House for 20 years.  He said, "There are many unusual stories about this man and about the people he affected for life.  But his daily routine wasn't about the exotic.  R' Meir's greatness lay in the smallest deeds; in the consistency and daily pursuit of his cumulative acts of sensitivity and profound commitment to each neshama.  There was nothing complicated about what he did.  He just did it every moment of his life."

And that is greatness.

The Power of Will

Another point.  Some people think that to be successful in kiruv, in order to attract the unaffiliated, you need to be "cool," i.e. have a certain modern look, sound like you can relate to today's generation, and be knowledgeable about what's going on in the world.  R' Schuster was far from hip.  He dressed in a suit, hat and tie as though he was just on his way to or from yeshiva or shul.  He did not possess charisma in the conventional sense.  He had ratzon, and there is nothing that stands in the way of ratzon - will, persistence, determination.  As Rabbi Yehuda Silver, a kiruv professional, put it, "He was living proof that we all have latent potential that can be actualized when we choose to tap into it and together, with Hashem's help, we can overcome any limitation."

No Calculations; No Discouragement

Some lines from R' Yonoson Rosenblum's column:

"His own ego played no role.  He never asked himself whether he was well-suited to approach hundreds of complete strangers every day for nearly 40 years or whether he was likely to be successful in getting them to taste Torah for the first time.  For if he had asked the question, the answer would have been a resounding no.  But in his calculations, only Hashem's purposes counted.

"I would guess that the percentage of those who responded positively to his entreaties to hear a class on Jewish philosophy or to meet a wise man (Rabbi Noah Weinberg) was less than 20% and that of those who did agree to a class, only a small fraction remained in yeshiva for more than a few hours.  Yet he could not be deterred by rejection."

R' Meir Schuster z'l

R' Meir Schuster, who just passed away after a terrible illness, is a hero.  I admire him tremendously for his idealism and passion which overrode his innate introverted personality, enabling him to be mekarev tens of thousands of Jews to Yiddishkeit.  As one mekurav put it,

“I have never met anyone in my life with such a passion for something, such a love. I had to find out what this guy was so excited about.”

Since I cannot do him justice, I refer you to articles about him:

here

and lots of stories at the website: here

Perdue Chicken, Oy Vay

A woman was shopping in a Shoprite supermarket which is not a Jewish supermarket but carries many kosher products, especially in Brooklyn.  She is the kind of person who seeks to engage others and to "spread the word" about Yiddishkeit.  She is not shy.

And yet, in an encounter the other night, she did not know what to say.  She was on line when she noticed someone else on line who was speaking Hebrew.  She glanced into his shopping cart and saw Perdue (not kosher) chicken).  She wanted to speak up but did not know what to say. 

As someone who usually speaks up, she was particularly disappointed that she could not think of anything appropriate to say and so she said nothing.

Someone hearing her story suggested that she could have said, "They carry Empire (kosher) chickens and they're much better."

We never know whether, if we speak up, the person will be receptive or defensive or hostile.  But if we don't try, we'll never know. 

What would do if we saw someone about to ingest poison? Wouldn't we scream a warning? Isn't treif for a Jew like poison to the neshama? So why don't we scream? In our defense, we are afraid of angering someone, of someone saying, "Mind your own business."  But would we be reticent if it was actually poison?

What would you do if you saw a non-kosher product in a Jew's shopping cart?

Heartwarming Tales of Chassidim

The sudden death of the Glaubers was shocking and tragic.  A ray of light within the darkness was how positively this Satmar family came across in the secular press.  The husband was described as calling his mother daily to see how she was (she had given birth two weeks before the accident).  And in later news items, a letter that he wrote to his parents on his wedding day was publicized.  It was beautifully written.

This probably did not fit the stereotype of Chassidic men.  It was heartwarming to see something favorable written about "ultra-Orthodox, Chassidic" Jews when, sadly, they are more typically written about in negative ways.

Around the time this happened, someone told me a beautiful story, also one that breaks the stereotype of the Chassidic Jew in Brooklyn.  Shortly before Shabbos, a man noticed a woman standing on the corner of a Boro Park street, looking bewildered.  Although he is the type of person not to notice his own daughter on the street, he went over to her and asked her what she was looking for.  The woman said she was looking for a locksmith in order to make a Shabbos key.

He explained that all stores were already closed as it was almost Shabbos and did she have a place for Shabbos? She said she did, but gave him her card and said she'd be very interested in coming for Shabbos.  She told him that she was a gentile studying to become a Jew.

The man actually followed up, which I find so impressive.  He called her rabbi who affirmed that she was sincere.  He emphasized that she needed to be among frum Jews and spend Shabbos, etc. with them.  The man invited her and she subsequently came numerous times for Shabbos and Yomim Tovim.  She eventually converted (this goes back ten years) and married a baal teshuva.  She lives in Brooklyn and has three children.  The girls attend one of the Beis Yaakovs and the boy is entering the Mirrer yeshiva.  And it was a Chassidic man, who generally doesn't look at women, who extended himself when he saw someone who needed help.

Kiruv - A Matter of Priorities

R' Dovid Ordman, a lecturer for Arachim was an avel for his father.  Due to the traveling he does for Arachim, being able to daven for the amud every day was very difficult.  He went to R' Chaim Kanievsky to ask him what he should do.  R' Chaim asked him what do you want to do? He said, maybe I should take off a year of traveling ....

"R' Chaim grabbed my sleeve and shouted ZIKUI HA'RABBIM (bringing merit to the masses) IS WORTH THOUSANDS OF KADEISHIM!"

Concluded R' Ordman, "Saying a shiur, being mekarev a Yid ... He woke me up to see the priorities."

It just leaves me wondering why R' Chaim is not urging all bnei Torah to be mezake the rabbim by being mekarev them.  If it's because he thinks that sitting and learning is zikui ha'rabbim, he could have approved of R' Ordman's taking off a year of traveling and learning instead ...

Can Kiruv be Quantified?

Dr. Rosmarin, a psychology researcher, therapist and teacher was invited to deliver the keynote address at the AJOP convention.  His presentation is about taking the guesswork out of kiruv. 

For decades now, those in kiruv have been winging it, trying different things, having more and less success. Dr. Rosmarin maintains that social science research can be used to analyze what makes for successful kiruv outcomes.  After all, if we are spending so much money on kiruv, shouldn't we have a way of defining success and doing our best to maximizing it? He says (as reported in Hamodia magazine), "We have no clue what is and is not working because no one has ever tested a set kiruv curriculum or program of any sort, ever."

(Though I thought that the Aish Ha'Torah Discovery seminar gives participants a survey to fill out after they attend the program based on which Aish says that a high percentage of attendees say they will marry a Jew.)

On the one hand, the idea of systematically examining what does and doesn't work in kiruv sounds wonderful.  On the other hand, I wonder whether it can all be quantified.  A program and curriculum can be tested, but not the effects of a Shabbos table, Purim party or Pesach seder experience.