What Does it Mean to Serve Hashem?

R' Manis Friedman, a popular Lubavitcher public speaker, likes to tell of his night-long dialogue with a non-Chassidic kollel guy about whether Hashem needs us, whether we need to have rachmanus on Him for making Himself vulnerable to our freedom of choice. The kollel guy says Hashem is perfect, how He can need anything?!

MF says, needing a mitzva is not an imperfection. But let's say it is. What would you prefer that Hashem is perfect or that Hashem needs you?

Kollel guy said, that He's perfect.

MF asks, why do you need Him to be perfect?

Kollel guy says, because if He's not perfect, I won't serve him.

MF says, if you're right that Hashem doesn't need anything, what does it mean ivdu es Hashem – what kind of service can you do?

Kollel guy said that's the one thing I never understood ...  By telling me that Hashem needs my mitzva, you're turning me off. If He needs it, let Him do it!

Mf: If you did not need anything, you wouldn't be a human being. To say that Hashem needs, makes people uncomfortable because our needs are seen as weaknesses.

Yes, there are needs that are weaknesses like eating and sleeping, but a need like friendship makes us human. If Hashem needs something, that makes Him a living G-d.

 

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Just because the Kollel guy never came up with an answer for what it means to serve Hashem, doesn't mean there isn't an answer that doesn't require G-d needing something.  In Chovos Ha'Levavos, written by a Rishon, there is an entire section on the Service of G-d - Shaar Avodas Ha'Elokim. 

In it (in the edition with R' Avigdor Miller's commentary, p. 66, 72), it says the definition of avoda is the feeling of humility of someone who receives a benefit. 

What can we do for Hashem? Nothing, because Hashem does not need anything.  But one thing we can do for Him is make something out of ourselves.  How do we do this? By working to show our gratitude for what He does for us. Avoda is the service of Hashem that comes from a feeling of gratitude.

We contemplate His greatness, His wisdom, and everything He has done for us.  It includes thinking of all the things He does in the world that reveal His presence.  All the mitzvos of the Torah are only an introduction to this career of avoda.

Children - Seen but not Heard

In a previous post: here I quoted Dennis Prager who said we should not be giving children equal status to adults.  I have since heard a story related by Rabbi Manis Friedman about a 14 yr old boy who was thrown out of yeshiva for chutzpa.

MF asked the boy what he was going to do about this. The boy said he would be going back to yeshiva.

MF asked how?! The boy said he wouldn't do it again.

MF asked: "How will you convince the hanhala and why won't you be chutzpadik again? If you think the teacher is stupid, you'll say it again!"

So the boy asked, "What should I do?"

MF wasn't sure this was remotely possible but he said, "You have to be convinced that you are not entitled to an opinion. You are 14 years old and not entitled. Not that you shouldn't voice an opinion, but you are not entitled to one.

The boy asked in astonishment, "I can't have an opinion?!"

MF: "You can have one, but nobody has to hear it, consider it, or obey it. You're not entitled to it. You're just practicing. When a teacher asks you for your opinion, he's helping you practice. And you have to convince your friends of this too."

 

Surprisingly, the boy did.

 

***

A 14 yr old attends a lecture and says, "It was good, although I didn't agree with everything the speaker said."

 

Parents today are likely to be proud of their intelligent child who expresses such a mature critique.  However, asks MF, what are the chances they did not understand what was said rather than disagreed? Probably 98% of the time they didn't understand, but they already have an opinion and they feel entitled to agree/disagree. It's very dangerous. The relationship between student and teacher is terrible.

***

A high school teacher recently told me that the hanhala asks the students to tell them what they "feel" about each teacher.  If I didn't hear it directly from a teacher, I'd find it hard to believe this is going on in a frum school.  Hashem yirachem!

 

Marital Advice from R' Manis Friedman

It's a crazy idea, he says, to think that once a couple is married they can be on their worst behavior because he/she loves you anyway.  No, he says.  Not true.  When you marry someone you have to be on your best behavior for the rest of your life!

There are people who are so nice and respectful for outsiders in their dress and speech, but to their own spouse they're not.  Why is there less respect for your spouse than for the repairman? It's a very mistaken notion, he says.

Marriage means you are going to put yourself into a situation in which you have to be the best you can be every single day.  If you don't get married, you don't have to be that good.

Once you decide you're marrying the person, decide what to tell him/her that will help him love you, not things that will make it hard for him to love you.

Being completely honest is not a good idea because sometimes being honest is cruel and thoughtless and with your spouse, you don't say things that will hurt him/her just because you want to be honest.  Say things that are helpful and supportive of the marriage.

In general, the rule is: the husband is there to make his wife's life easier, he won't do anything to burden her, and the same is true for the wife.  Any bad news, negative stuff, keep it to yourself.  If together you can work on a plan, if you want advice, for something practical, that's one thing; but just to unburden, no.

An example he gave is, R' Friedman's father was held up in his store and he never told his wife! Most husbands would tell.  R' Friedman asks, what is the wife supposed to do if he tells? She'll just worry.  She will suffer with him.  Out of consideration you can withhold information.