It's a crazy idea, he says, to think that once a couple is married they can be on their worst behavior because he/she loves you anyway. No, he says. Not true. When you marry someone you have to be on your best behavior for the rest of your life!
There are people who are so nice and respectful for outsiders in their dress and speech, but to their own spouse they're not. Why is there less respect for your spouse than for the repairman? It's a very mistaken notion, he says.
Marriage means you are going to put yourself into a situation in which you have to be the best you can be every single day. If you don't get married, you don't have to be that good.
Once you decide you're marrying the person, decide what to tell him/her that will help him love you, not things that will make it hard for him to love you.
Being completely honest is not a good idea because sometimes being honest is cruel and thoughtless and with your spouse, you don't say things that will hurt him/her just because you want to be honest. Say things that are helpful and supportive of the marriage.
In general, the rule is: the husband is there to make his wife's life easier, he won't do anything to burden her, and the same is true for the wife. Any bad news, negative stuff, keep it to yourself. If together you can work on a plan, if you want advice, for something practical, that's one thing; but just to unburden, no.
An example he gave is, R' Friedman's father was held up in his store and he never told his wife! Most husbands would tell. R' Friedman asks, what is the wife supposed to do if he tells? She'll just worry. She will suffer with him. Out of consideration you can withhold information.
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