Sep 28, 2012

Under One Roof versus Independence

One view:

"I like the idea of my children beginning their married lives in Eretz Yisrael.  It allows them to establish themselves as a couple without hanging onto Mommy's apron strings."

Another view:

"I like the idea of my children beginning their married lives close to home.  It allows them to ease into married life with the support of family."

Is one view better than another? It probably depends on the individuals involved, the couple, the sets of parents, and how close they are.

What was done in previous years and countries? You read of couples moving in with parents when it's her parents and couples moving in with parents when it's his parents, very different scenarios! Sometimes, this was in a distant city, and without modern communication the married child was all but cut-off from his or her parents. You also read of couples growing, marrying and dying in the same town.  In the Soviet Union it was commonplace for young couples to share a small apartment with parents due to the lack of available apartments.  It's astonishing to read of numerous people living together in two room apartments and having guests too!

What they did back then does not sound contrived; it wasn't a trend of young couples doing this or that.  It was a pragmatic decision usually based on finances.  Today, along with concerns about finances, we are even more concerned about our emotional temperature and that of young couples.  How will we feel, how will they feel; our privacy, their privacy, and the all important independence.  

Different times, different concerns.

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