A letter I wrote to Hamodia four and a half years ago:
Dear Editor,
Re stigmas - can you please devote an article to the Torah perspective on stigmas? I am afraid that many well-meaning frum Jews think that secular democratic ideas of egalitarianism are in sync with halacha, when they are not. Take, for example, the halachos that enumerate dozens of physical blemishes that invalidate a kohen from the avoda in the Beis Ha'Mikdash. Are kohanim to blame for physical blemishes? No, but nevertheless, they cannot do the service. In our egalitarian world, this is "not fair." In the world of Torah, this is Hashem's will.
Another example, there are people who are disqualified from serving on the Sanhedrin for various reasons due to lack of yichus. Is their ancestry their fault? No, but nevertheless, they cannot serve on the Sanhedrin. Is this reasonable? According to Hashem's will it is. Then of course, only those from the tribe of Levi are eligible to serve as Levites and Kohanim, and only those from the tribe of Yehuda can be kings, and certain people are desirable and others undesirable as the shliach tzibbur.
Some frum people have the idea that egalitarianism applies to shidduchim too, as though all are equal and deserve an equal chance at all types of shidduchim no matter their health, their family background, and personal history. This was never the Jewish way! It smacks of the "ess kumt mir" syndrome that has been observed and decried.
Looking forward to the Torah perspective on this sensitive topic.
Posts
I would think it would be fair to say though, that those who would not marry a child from certain types of families should not expect help or favors from those families. If someone wants to go the extra mile for someone who would not consider their child good enough, they shouldn't stop to consider their own interests but should not feel obligated either. Rather, they should put their efforts into helping those families who would do shidduchim with them. Those should take first priority over the others. There is noting inherently non-Jewish about a person protecting his interests and those of his family. If a person with yichus wants a large donation of money or time from someone whose child he would not allow his child to marry due to family status; the donor has a right to delegate his help primarily to members of his own group. Expecting otherwise is "ess kumpt mir."
ReplyDelete